Thursday, August 30, 2007


After last night, I don't think the human pet will be letting me on the computer anytime soon. I chewed through a shoe, puked on the bed, and then puked the length of the hallway to show her I meant business about this blog. I was merely trying to point out to her to let me back online, but I think my plan of protest backfired.

Monday, August 20, 2007

What happened to you?

Hello friends,

I know, I know. It's been more than a week since an update, and I'm sure some of you have been wondering what happened to me. Well, life has been more than busy on this end. With the beginning of the school year and housecleaning, as well as a few meetings here and there, the human pet has issued a lock down on the computer. I'm lucky that I even got to the keyboard this morning!

Isis and I are doing well so have no worries. We promise we will write again soon, but as always, keep in mind we're at the whims of our pet. Clearly, we need to revisit who is in charge here.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Flea Games, Chapter 12: The Novice

Previous Chapter(s):
Stealth is the key to any successful scouting mission, and there are several main points in achieving this skill. Maintaining a limited amount of noise and attempting to remain down-wind so one's scent does not alert the enemy can save a scout's hide. Also, rushing through the job is not recommended. A scout's best ally is the terrain, and she should always try to use the landscape to her advantage, never silhouetting herself as her enemy might potentially spot her.

All of these would have been wonderful tips for Isis to know prior to her mission.

The microwave clock ticked by ever so slowly as Isis sat and watched the minutes linger. Nine minutes had passed, and it had been excruciating for her. She had scratched her ears, stretched, gotten up to swat at her own tail, and had even reached for leftover milk jug rings under the refrigerator; however, none of these tactics had really made the time go any faster for her.

When the tenth digitally blue minute had ticked, Isis bounded for the garage, screaming in a loud voice, "I'ma scoutin' now, bitches!"

Had she been able to see the look on her brother's face, she might have realized her mistake in announcing her oncoming arrival to the garage.

Bursting through the pet door, Isis leaped into the darkness of the garage. The heat was practically stifling, but she did not let this bother her. There was work to be done, important work that only she could do. It was her one chance to prove to her brother that she was indeed just as cunning as he was.

Isis padded softly across the warm concrete and headed for the washer and dryer located in the left-hand corner. She leapt up on top of the washer and circled a few times to make it appear as though she were settling down for a nap. After bathing her front paws a few times and rubbing the sides of her face, she laid her head upon her front legs and closed her eyes. If all went well, whatever was inside the garage would believe her to be sleeping, and she could discover the truth behind the sneeze that so intrigued her brother.

Time seemed to slow down exponentially as soon as her lids had closed. What had seemed like such a brilliant plan was soon to be Isis' downfall as her natural instincts took over. Her breathing slowed, her eyes fluttered, and soon, her whiskers swayed back and forth as her soft snores purred from her.

"No...worries," she whispered half to herself as she came closer to deep sleep. "The monsters will believe...this...for sure..."

The last thing Isis heard before she fell asleep was the softest pitter-patter as over one million feet marched across the concrete straight for her.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Thursday Thirteen, Edition #37

Thirteen Ways For Me
To Make Money For My Human Pet

1. I could organize a feline harem, rounding up the strays that prowl my neighborhood, and putting them to work on the street corners.

2. I could sell my sister, Isis, off to the highest bidder.

3. I could shave my fur and put it up for auction on eBay.

4. I could set up my own store via Cafe Press and sell Zeus Excuse memorabilia.

5. I could write a novel.

6. I could replicate crop circles in my litter, take photos, and sell them off to the public.

7. I could join the circus as The Amazing Snoring Zeus: Snores so loud, they shake the very fabric of your being!

8. I could tour again with my lounge singer act: Zelvis.

9. I could work as an English interpreter for The Feline Theocracy.

10. I could have my sister work at a local bakery to knead dough with her claws instead of kneading holes in my throne.

11. I could open up an exterminator business for local homes. Bugs don't stand a chance!

12. I could enter the National Spelling Bee and clean house!

13. I could stand at street intersections, with rags in paw, wiping the windshields of cars passing by for donations. I'm sure the very fact that I am willing to get wet for my pet will be more than enough for money to flow.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Quit monkeying around!

Within India, there exists a coexistence and a conflict between the Hindus and Muslims. Identity is no longer determined by the various social groups one may belong to such as gender or race but rather, simply by which religion a person practices. Perhaps the problem is one of liberal versus extremist, but nonetheless, the focus of the prejudice and animosity is a matter of faith for most people.

Imagine my surprise then, dear friends, when I saw the following:

Upon watching this, I couldn't help but hear Tina Turner singing in my head, "What's love got to do, got to do with it?"

And really: What does love got to do with it?

Did anyone ask these two monkeys if they were seriously committed to one another?

Did anyone ask them if they were alright in becoming spokesprimates for the entire Hindu-Muslim conflict?

Did someone inform them of their obligations and responsibilities as religious diplomats and agents of peace?

Clearly, though, the more important issues were taken care of first: calls to Cover Girl for the inside scoop as to which long-lasting, cream-based eyeshadows were appropriate for this time of year and research with Bride Magazine as to the latest monkey couture wedding dresses.

Humans, humans, humans...

When will you get it through your thick skulls that just because two monkeys get married doesn't mean their poop suddenly stops getting thrown at you the very next day?

And what exactly would that mean for the already troubled Hindu-Muslim relations?

Nothing but more crap.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Flea Games, Chapter 11: Sister Scout

Previous Chapter(s): After dinner had finished, Zeus lumbered over to the living room to lay down upon his throne: the green patterned slip-covered sofa. His belly now full, he let his mind return to the mysterious sneeze and pondered the possibility that there might be trouble afoot within his domain. Releasing a yawn and licking his front paws casually, he considered what his next course of action should be.

As Isis walked by the sofa to stretch out on her back underneath the mosaic coffee table, he said to her, "I believe you should go on a scouting mission, Isis."

Isis' eyes grew wide, and her ears perked as she turned her attention to Zeus. "A scouting mission? It sounds...dangerous!"

Zeus nodded. "It is, but we need more information. I am sure it is nothing you could not handle. I'd do it myself, but one should wait four hours after eating and drinking to perform scouting missions."

Isis looked at him curiously. "I ate too," she said questioningly.

"You have a smaller stomach. Therefore, it's only ten minutes," he explained.

"Oh, that makes sense," she said as she nodded. Zeus smiled softly. Manipulating his sister was his finest art form.

He then began instructing her: "Stay low and hidden. Make no noise. Keep your eyes and ears alert. You'll have to report back to me everything you observe so I hope you have a good memory. Can you do that?"

Isis sat at attention and brought the tip of her tail to her forehead as she lifted her chin, stating, "Yes SIR!"

Zeus nodded, holding back his laughter. "Good. Wait ten minutes and then make your way to the garage."

If Isis did even a somewhat decent job, he would have a better idea of what he was up against. Granted, he could have gone into the garage himself, but what creature, big or small, would suspect anything malicious or deviant from his deranged sister? No one ever took crazies seriously.

Friday, August 03, 2007


Change is inevitable.
Change is unavoidable.
Change is irrevocable.
Change is undeniable.

The House now empty,
Save for three.
Open space to run,
To be carefree.

Change is forceful.
Change is powerful.
Change is hopeful.
Change is truthful.

Noises never heard,
now quite apparent.
Darkness descends,
the feeling abhorrent.

Change is instructional.
Change is causal.
Change is informational.
Change is final.

Uncomfortable newness,
the unfamiliar familiar.
Rooms once known
now bend and falter.

Change is revealing.
Change is compelling.
Change is inducing.
Change is telling.

Each day will be brighter,
the rain will pass.
Portend events:
all smiles, lass.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

The seventh Pussycat Doll unleashed

I know you like me. (I know you like me.)
I know you do. (I know you do.)
Thats why whenever I come around, that cat's all over you.
And I know you pet me. (I know you pet me.)
It's easy to see (It's easy to see.)
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be home with me.

Dont cha wish your kitty was hot like me?
Dont cha wish your kitty was a freak like me?
Dont cha, dont cha
Dont cha wish your kitty was raw like me?
Dont cha wish your kitty was fun like me?
Dont cha, dont cha

Fight the feeling (Fight the feeling.)
Leave it alone. (Leave it alone.)
Cause if it ain't love
It just aint enough to bring me to a happy home
Let's keep it friendly. (Let's keep it friendly.)
You have to play fair .(you have to play fair.)
See, I dont care,
But I know your other cat won't wanna share.

Dont cha wish your kitty was hot like me?
Dont cha wish your kitty was a freak like me?
Dont cha, dont cha , baby
Dont cha wish your kitty was raw like me?
Dont cha wish your kitty was fun like me?
Dont cha, dont cha

I know I'm on your mind
I know we'll have a good time
I'm your friend
I'm furry
And I'm fine
I aint lying
Look at me,
you aint blind

See, I know she loves you. (I know she loves you.)
I understand. (I understand.)
I'd probably be just as crazy about you
If you were my human.
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)
Possibly (possibly)
Until then, Oh friend your secret is safe with me.

Dont cha wish your kitty was hot like me?
Dont cha wish your kitty was a freak like me?
Dont cha, dont cha
Dont cha wish your kitty was raw like me?
Dont cha wish your kitty was fun like me?
Dont cha, dont cha