Ares' Journal: ChAres

Morning hello

Ares' Journal: My Pack

Poker Night Recap

Since Ares and Zeus were too busy trying to get attention, I handled all of the photography last Friday. Leave it to a female to get things done. Let me show you the highlights of the massive poker night extravaganza!

The mama made these great pool buckets for everyone. Each one was labeled with a person's name in gold letters. Inside each bucket was suntan lotion, a sudoku book, and a spray bottle.

No poker night would be complete without the token cheerleaders!

Everyone sat outside and played underneath the new umbrella. The mama's neighbor, Ingrid, brought over a light set to illuminate the evening's festivities.

Every time someone won a pot, the mama passed out her tiara for the person to wear. It did not matter whether you were a guy or a gal. Everyone had the chance to feel like a winner...and a princess!

As you can see, I wasn't lying when it came to "everyone".

I think it was a lot of fun for the mama and for everyone that came. While the mama may have won the pot for the evening, I enjoyed hiding out with the camera, taking pictures. Sometimes, it's better to lurk in the shadows than to be in the spotlight.

Family

Hi Zeus,

Why isn't Ares on your litter list?

Jeff

Dear Jeff,

What a great question! I'm sure many of my readers have been wondering the same thing. I could probably come up with plenty of witty responses, but they would all be lies. The fact is that he is my brother, for better or for worse. We can choose our friends, but as we all know, we cannot choose our family. Sure, Ares may be annoying, frustrating, and just downright aggravating, but at the end of the day, I do love him.

Upgrade!

Behold! Thanks to the human pet's wonderful new digital camera, I can now show you the beautiful patio dining set the human pet received for graduation. Thank goodness it's here because she already has plans for it.

This evening, many females have been invited over (Perhaps I'll score! I can only hope!) for a ladies-only poker night. Soon, this table will be covered with beer, wine, and poker chips. Maybe the human pet will do well and end up with some extra money for cat treats.

Ah, I can't wait to sneak out of this house and sleep on these chairs. They look so comfy, even from afar. The human pet can't keep me locked inside forever. Summer is calling!

Flea Games, Chapter 14: Peace talks

Zeus lifted his head from his beloved throne, e.g. the couch, and after a rather drawn out yawn, asked, "Did you find out what was happening in the garage?"

"Yes," Isis replied, but then ducked her head stating, "and no."

Zeus raised an eyebrow. It didn't take much to arouse his curiosity. He analytically stared at Isis as his mind raced. "Yes and no? Well, it can't be both. Tell me why you said yes."

Isis flashed a grin at him. "There are many of them. I always wanted to say 'They're heeeerrrrre,' and I might finally have my chance!"

Ignoring his sister's fascination for Poltergeist, Zeus asked, "Many of what?"

"Many of something." Isis began cleaning herself throughly as she continued talking. "I don't know what they are. They mentioned some guy named Fla...La...Fla...Ah...I don't know."

Zeus gasped, which in turn, caused his sister to stop and stare at him. "And you're sure they're still inside the garage?" Isis nodded. "Good, then I believe it's time for me to have a conversation."

The bright, orange tabby headed for the garage, and as he stepped through the convenient pet door, he could hear the millions of whisperings almost immediately. Lowering his head and perking his ears, he began to stalk towards the tiny rumbling of noise. Emotional cries and shouting fell upon him as he drew closer.

"She did not kill us, Harbali!"

"She was indeed merciful!"

"Why ever would she do that, Harbali?"

Zeus narrowed his eyes and focused his attention on the small flea in the center of the commotion. Though his feline sight was keen, he could not actually see the tiny creature's face. When the flea, supposedly named Harbali, spoke, however, Zeus felt his sincerity:

"Perhaps they are not truly infidels. Perhaps Ramzi was wrong."

A silence swept over the congregation. Zeus attempted to remain still, his muscles taunt. He wondered if the flea named Ramzi was nearby. He sensed that this conglomerate of fleas was about to reach a revelation.

One tiny brave flea voice sprung up suddenly: "But, Harbali, no one has ever challenged the will of Ramzi. What would you have us do? We must carry out his orders!"

Harbali strongly replied, "I would have you leave the so-called infidels be. I would have you return to the Red Caves. I would have you seek peace."

Zeus smiled to himself. If the fleas wanted peace, that was fine by him. He knew, though, that they would be hungry, and if they remained in the garage, they would succumb to the temptation that was his sister and him.

Unruffled, Zeus softly whispered, "Might I be of some assistance, my fellow flea brothers?"

Terrified feelers turned in his direction as the fleas faced him. A multitude of whispering sprung and wove itself through the crowd as the insects shivered in fear: "The ginger infidel!" "Flallah help us!" "Oh what have we done?!"

Harbali, however, stood and made his way through the throng. He approached cautiously, but within his heart, he held no fear. He had suspected all along that Ramzi's coup served other less than noble purposes, but now, as he stared at the 'ginger infidel', he knew his suspicions were correct.

He bowed deeply to the feline and said, "I am Harbali, and the fleas you see before you are members of Flarul Flislam. May Flallah grant you peace. It seems we have arrived at a crossroads of great importance, ginger one."

Zeus nodded. "Apparently so. I love learning of other customs and traditions, and if you were willing, perhaps we could sit and talk for a bit as I am not familiar with your congregation."

The flea agreed, so Zeus sat back on his haunches as thousands of fleas surrounded him. 'Just remain calm', he told himself. 'Just remain calm'.

All I ever wanted was to be a human wizard

Over the years, lots of people have visited this blog and wondered whether or not I realize that felines are not supposed to be typing posts. In the past, I have normally been very understanding when I have received such comments and emails. One email, however, has made me ponder more deeply my authorship of this blog.

Dear Zeus or human pet or whoever writes the blog,

Leave roleplaying to those freaks who play WoW, Everquest, or D&D. Roleplaying a cat? Seriously. Get a life.

Anonymous

Roleplaying? Is that what I have been doing all this time? I decided it was time to explore this concept a bit more throughly so I could better understand Mr. Anonymous' argument. After all, it's always best to contemplate someone's position prior to defending against it.

So I did what any self-respecting blogging hoohahless tomcat would do.

I decided I would visit The Houston Live Action Role-Play (LARP) Group.

Upon reading, I learned I needed to design a character, complete with race, class, and skills. Having watched human behavior for some time, it seemed like a natural conclusion to create a human wizard. (I had considered being a human warrior, but as I lack opposable thumbs, it seemed highly unlikely that I would be very successful in slaying any dragons with a sword.) As for my skills, I decided my intellect would definitely be my best attribute. Did I really need more details aside from those? It was roleplay, after all.

Having my general idea for a character established, I assumed the human pet would not mind spending some money in the pursuit of research. I snuck off with her Visa and entered the code into the online pay system. Within two or three days, I was welcomed with a packet containing information as to the next camp-out in the woods and a full one-hundred page manual on the rules and regulations of the roleplaying.

Such rules included...

Every participant is required to make a costume and to remain in character at all times.

Every spell must be properly spoken and then hit its target (i.e., a small, sand-filled pouch must land on your target). If you mispronounce the spell or miss your target, your magic will fail.

Every combatant keeps track of his hit points in his head. Every spell and hit taken adds up, and when the combatant is at zero hit points, he falls to the ground.

A costume? Sand-filled pouches? Hit points? I apparently had more work ahead of me than I had originally anticipated. I feared my dialect of English, southern meowics, would hold me back from being understood with my so-called "spell casting". I debated whether or not people would be honest in "counting up their hit points" and "dying". Were there any referees to this roleplay? I most certainly thought there might be a need for one or two.

As the camp-out was only a few days away, I designed my costume and prepared my magical sand bags. Granted, I suffered a few questions from the human pet such as "Are you serious?" and "Maybe you should let that email go?" Needless to say, they weren't very good questions so I didn't bother responding.

The day arrived for my adventure, literally. The human pet escorted me to the camp site where I was met by all sorts of interesting "lords and ladies". Looking up at the human pet, I said, "Stay close. These people look weird."

"They look weird?" She rolled her eyes and let out a deep sigh.

A strange looking man, bejeweled and bedazzled in his wonderous knightly apparel, came towards us and bowed deeply. "I welcome you, madam, to this holy wood. You and your familiar shall find us to be most accomodating."

"Oh, I'm not with him," the human pet snickered. She took several steps back. "He's the one roleplaying. Not me."

The bizarre man looked down at me with a curious gaze. "Truly? I do not believe we have ever met a talking cat. Are you perhaps bewitched by some spell? A prince hidden underneath the fur of this wretched beast before my eyes?"

"No. I'm a human wizard," I responded quite plainly. I decided it was best to ignore the reference to being bewitched or wretched.

"A human...wizard?" I believed at that point that I had caused some sort of brain freeze in the poor guy. He looked to the human pet who only managed to shrug and raise her hands up as if to say, "Don't look at me". He looked back to me, and I stared him in the eyes to let him know I was completely serious.

Exasperated, the man said, "Ok, no really, what the hell is going on here?"

I replied, "Um, excuse me, dear lord, but is that truly how the fine people of this wood speak? I do believe that is a breach of section I, subsection A, paragraph XII in which it clearly states that residents of the wood shall remain in character at all times. You, fine sir, are breaking my roleplay."

The man blinked several times and stood speechless before me. Apparently, he had not counted on the fact that I had read the manual. It always pays to be prepared.

"Look, lady, you can take your cat and get out of here. I don't know what you're up to, but we're not going along with this." The man had folded his arms and had assumed some sort of defensive stance. Honestly, he looked nothing short of ridiculous in his outfit as he attempted to appear tough.

"I paid forty dollars for him to come and do this stunt, and I swear, that's what's happening." The human pet appeared like a enraged bull as her eyes blazed with heat. I could tell that this was not going to end on a high note.

"Pet. Strange man. Listen. If you do not want me to come and show you all how humans behave, that is fine. Simply refund my pet her forty dollars, and we'll be on our way," I said.

"Can I write you a check? All I have on me are NERO coins," the man replied.

I blinked. "What do you take me for? A village idiot? Go get my forty dollars!"

Needless to say, I never got to really roleplay as I had hoped. I suppose for now, I shall just have to live vicariously through my human pet and hope that someday, somewhere, I can pretend to be a human wizard in the land of Kiss-Myanthia, sweeping a fair maiden off of her slippered feet while battling crazy humans dressed up as goblins and evil elves. Wouldn't that just be a sight to see?

Graduation weekend

The human pet's parents flew into Houston on Friday morning. They headed directly for their hotel: The beautiful J.W. Marriott, located in the center of the city near The Galleria area. They were accompanied by two of the human pet's brothers. The third brother landed at the airport around noon, and the human pet, notified of his arrival, picked him up and met her family at the hotel.

Though the human pet's sister could not make it for the weekend, she was terribly missed. She did, however, make her presence known, even though she was far away. She had thought of other ways to show the human pet she cared.

Like getting her a new Nikon digital camera and lots of pet toys for everyone in the house!

That always says love in my opinion.

By four o'clock, though, the human pet's family was off and running to the university to celebrate how distinctive she was. They arrived super early and were met by one of the human pet's friends, Lisa, and her fiance, James. Together, they claimed one table in the meeting room, and while people arrived, they debated whether or not there would be food.

The afternoon event was not a ceremony per say, but rather, I would call it a reception. It was a meet-and-greet, with everyone who had ever been involved in the Education Department at the university assembled together to meet everyone else who had ever been involved in the Education Department. In other words, if you weren't in the Education Department, you weren't receiving an invite. It was that elite. Or at least I'd like to think it was.

Ok, so it wasn't that elite...

Nonetheless, after the shaking of hands, the distribution of approximately 7.5 hugs, and the applause for those deemed distinctive, the human pet's family made their way to Maggiano's. Amazingly enough, this is the pet's favorite Italian restaurant in all of Houston. Somehow, the pet's father saw her Bat Signal
all the way in Pittsburgh and heeded her pleas. Her family allowed her to pick out what she wanted for the meal, and with drinks raised in celebration, a pleasant end to Friday was written.

Saturday morning found the pet's family enjoying a buffet-style breakfast in the hotel. The pet's youngest brother, Gino, debated over whether or not his waffle was in the shape of Texas. He found it to be an amazing feat of culinary excellence.

By eight o'clock that morning, the family was off to Reliant Arena for the pet's graduation. Everything seemed to move very quickly for the pet on that morning. It seemed one moment the pet was lining up for the procession, and the next, she was back outside with her family, celebrating. The graduation ceremony itself was three hours long, and there were some very nice messages from the speakers. You can tell by the picture on the right that the pet's brother, Gino, was very happy for her...or maybe he was just happy the ceremony was finished. One or the other...

In the evening, everyone headed to Morton's Steakhouse where the pet's father had planned many surprises. There was a private room, three dozen white roses, menus specially printed that congratulated the human pet on her accomplishment, and a wonderful almond cake that had a graduation cap complete with the university's colors on its tassle. The food and company was wonderful, and I must say that Shrimp Alexander should be served in this house from now on!

On Sunday, the family came to the pet's house where she treated them to barbecued brisket, grilled chicken, potatoe salad, and baked beans. There were cupcakes and chocolate eclair squares. Guitar Hero made an appearance or two, and of course, no visit would have been complete without a game of Scrabble, won, of course, by the pet's father.

The last surprise of the weekend came when the pet's parents took her to Lowe's to have her pick out a new patio dining set. The pet was so excited that she hardly knew what to say! It is being delivered today so expect pictures tomorrow!

By five o'clock in the evening, everything came to an end. The family departed from the house, and the human pet did shed some tears. It had been a magical weekend, one she will not soon forget for a very long time.

Thank you to my pet's parents for everything they did for her this past weekend. Thank you to my pet's siblings who took time out of their busy schedules to visit her. Thank you to my pet's friends who cared enough to share in the moment with her. She is truly blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people, and for that, I am very grateful.

Hit the snooze button please

While Ares may have boundless energy, we certainly do not. After the exciting weekend we had, we need a few extra hours of beauty sleep. I promise, dear readers, that tomorrow, I will update all of you regarding the happenings of graduation weekend.

He could DIE!

Lately, my human pet has grown overprotective. Normally, I find that trait endearing, but she's fast approaching insanity at the rate she's going when it comes to Ares. Let me give you some of the finer examples from this past week alone. All examples are actual quotes and have been stated to neighbors and friends.

"If he gets string in his mouth and he swallows it, he could die."

"If he chews on that lamp cord, he could die."

"If I leave him alone on the bed, he could break a leg and die."

"If he sits out in the heat, he could get overheated and die."

"If he swallows too many carpet fibers, he could die."

I'm sensing a theme here, and somehow, the movie, The Wrestler, comes to mind.

Is Ares really Randy "The Ram" Robinson?

Basically, I don't think Ares should be doing all that much, at least from the human pet's perspective. Maybe I should encourage her to keep him in his room from now on and tell her it's for her own peace of mind. I may never have to deal with the puppy again.

This could work out brilliantly!

Until, drawn back by the thrill of his theme song playing upon his entrance, the roar of hundreds of good ol' boys screaming his name, and the lure of the roped and unforgiving ring, Ares comes bounding back for one more attempt at glory. There's just one problem: He can't come back unless he has some patented move. Everyone knows that's why The Ram could come back at the end of the movie - he had to do the Ram Jam one more time.

Paw It Forward

Tom, Tama-Chan, and Sei-Chan of The Poupounette decided to "paw it forward", and we were one of the very lucky recepients of their generosity. In honor of this great idea, we too will be pawing it forward to the first three visitors that comment on this post.

A box from France? It has to be super special!

I can't believe you sent me all of these wonderful things, Tama-Chan and Sei-Chan! This is incredible!

What a beautiful card! I wish I were that talented to make my own cards...

I loved bringing the mousie toys to my throne so I could whap them with my huge paws.

Oh, I don't think so, mousie! You will not get away!

The Poupounette was so nice that they even sent Ares a little something as well.

Thank you once again to my dear friends in France! We cannot wait to paw it forward to others and share in this universal good will. As the human pet says: "It's nice to be nice."

Thank you, my friends!

Ares is in love with his new blanket sent by Misadventures of Me. He chews on the fibers and rolls around on the floor with it. He has even taken it to his crate so he can sleep on it. Thank you so much for this beautiful, handmade prize!

Pink Chihuahua Princess, Tzeitel, and Belicia, I could kiss you all! I was so excited yesterday to have received your package. My very own Scrunch N'Punch! My very own Loco!Laser! My very own Party Mix!


As you can see, Isis enjoyed investigating each object on the Scrunch N' Punch. I had taken many photos of her batting it into a heapless mess, but alas, they were all blurry from her fists of fury. Oh - that rhymes! Look at me go!

Thank you once again, Misadventures of Me and Pink Chihuahua Princess! Don't be surprised when we return the favor.

Romeo's Challenge: An Undercover Expose

I have decided to document the strange and bizarre antics of my sibling, Ares, for entry into Romeo's current contest. Also, since I believe it's important to sometimes take risks and expose oneself all in the name of winning prizes, I will also showcase a secret of mine that I rarely allow others to see. Prepare yourself for what you are about to see is shocking. Viewer discretion is advised.

The Tale of The Underwear Thief

Ares enjoys running into the human pet's bedroom and stealing her underwear from the hamper. Note to viewer: The underwear pictured in these photos was actually clean for a change as he had stolen it from the clean clothes' basket.


He will run around the entire the house with her underwear in his mouth. As you can see, he enjoys wrapping himself in the silkiness. When the human pet comes home, she must make an entire sweep of the premises, picking up her drawers along the way.


And now, my secret revealed...

The Tale of The Tempting Tampon

Yes, it is true. I sometimes enjoy watching tampons expand in water. I cannot help it. I blame my sister, Isis, for teaching me this undeniably enjoyable and highly addictive pasttime. Waiting for them to expand in the water is nothing but true bliss to me. Forgive me, my fellow toms, but it is time the world knew.