Dwarves and cats do not mix

Dear Sir Kinafe Kilseeker (if that is your real name!),

I am writing to inform you that I do not appreciate you renaming monsters to Zeus on your little game of Evercrack. I also do not think it's appropriate to make fun of my claws, my fur, or my tail. I do not appreciate being referred to as a "scumbucket" or a "nasty cat". I also do not like being called any handful of expletives that are in your limited vocabulary.

If you were to try to deny that you have done any of these things, I offer up to you exhibit A:

While I understand that you are a good friend of my human pet, it does not give you the liberty to make fun of me. After all, I own her, and she answers to me. If you do not cease in your profane and debase actions against me, I will be forced to shred the DSL cable and knock out the modem. Don't make me get ugly. You will not like it.

Zeus' Second Annual Legends Ball

We have four wonderful nominees to celebrate this year, and each one of them is a legend in his or her own right! Take some time to read over each person, and if you have the time, why not stop by the person's blog to thank them for all the hard work they're doing? After all, it's not everyday that you get to speak to a legend!

Legends, remember to get your button from the previous post! Congratulations to each of you and thank you for everything you do! Thank you also to those who nominated others for this event! You helped make it a success!

Maw

Located just outside of Dallas, Texas is a wonderful house with wonderful spirit...approximately twelve spirits to be exact. Maw takes in rescues that most people would turn a blind eye to, and she does it with love. Also, she has worked to have laws passed against animal cruelty in Texas. Her three nominators are The Meezers, Parker, and Zippie, Sadie, and Speedy.

Crazie Queen

Located across the Atlantic is our good friend, Crazie Queen. Though she always has some sort of cause tucked away in her sleeve, her latest adventure is the Race for Life for cancer research. Let's just hope she runs in something befitting a runner and not all of the heavy armor from her reenactment tour in Italy! Her nominator is Bob-Kat, a fellow Brit herself!

Auntie P

I have known Auntie P for quite some time, and it always amazes me the lengths this wonderful lady will go to for felines. From explaining to you how to grow the most luscious cat grass, informing you on how best to get clean soiled laundry, or showing you how to keep your cats off of your furniture, Auntie P knows it all! Currently a foster mom, she is helping save many feline lives in Singapore. Her nominator was Five-Cat Style.

DKM

Another wonderful person to have in our Legends Ball! Once a year, DKM (short for Diva Kitty Mom if you're not in the know!) raises money in the San Francisco area to support AIDS research and hospice support. Deeply committed to the cause, DKM raised $1,000 last year through contributions on her blogsite. Why not help her hit that mark again by paying her visit? Better yet: Have her blow that mark out of the water!

Where's my tuxedo? And my shiny shoes? We're having a ball!

It's that magical time of the year again! It's time to ready the invitations, buy the ball gowns, and polish the statuettes! It's time for...

What? You're not familiar with the Legends Ball? I suggest you read up on the subject here.

The Legends Ball was started as a way to honor people, felines, and canines who are doing something to make a difference in the world. We all know of someone special who does terrific things day-in and day-out, and sometimes, we may not tell them just how wonderful we think they are. This is your chance!

Leave the name and link of the person you are nominating to have included in our celebration. Please also make sure to state in the comments why you nominated this person so that this information can be included as well. Those nominated will have a brief write-up concerning their contributions as well as receive the highly coveted "My Legendary Story" button for their blogs.


You have until Tuesday, May 22, to nominate someone! Please only ONE nomination per blogger!

Sing the praise!

We're relieved.

We're overjoyed.

We're praising God.

The end of the school semester has finally arrived. Yesterday, the human pet took her last final. With that, she officially has one year of graduate work under her belt.

Believe you me: It could not have come soon enough.

Seven random things about me

Aloysius and Bebe tagged me for the 7 things meme. Here are the rules: Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. Cats who are tagged need to write on their own blog about the seven things and the rules.

1. My favorite food is fresh, raw tuna.

2. One of my secret nicknames is "Gazda", which means "old man", in Slovak. This is probably due to the fact that I do quite a bit of moaning and groaning, a.k.a. bitching.

3. On occasion, I like waking up my human pet by laying my belly on her face and smothering her.

4. When I was a kitten, I would crawl onto my human pet's shoulder and ride on top while she walked around the house. According to my pet, I still think I am a kitten because I continue to try to do this. She says I'm too fat now.

5. I've never met a human female who didn't love me.

6. Once the litter box is freshly cleaned, I need to go in and mess it up immediately to let everyone know (in case there was doubt) that it's my bathroom.

7. I'm very proud of my hunting abilities, and recently, I left a thumb-size cockroach in my human pet's bed. When she woke up, she saw me staring at her, and the cockroach was right below me. Can you say, "Holy banshee scream, Batman?"

The stars have aligned

Capricorn
Daily Overview for May 15, 2007
Provided by Astrology.com

Quickie: Expect to be asked some probing questions today. Your image is on the line.

Overview: Rubbing elbows with the creme de la creme of society casts a rosy glow over your self-esteem, and no wonder -- these people just adore you! Keep hold of your common sense and you won't get knocked off your feet.

I knew you loved me, dear reader! I just knew it! But do me a favor: No questions of the probing variety. That does not sound pleasant in the slightest.

What's your horoscope for today?

Where's my mother?

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother's Day! I miss you! Why don't you call? Why don't you write? I still love you though!

I hope to see you soon,

Zeus' mom was named The Flying Nun.

What's your guess as to why?

Thursday Thirteen, Edition #33

Thirteen Things Isis or I Have Destroyed in The House*:

1. The loveseat

2. The couch, a.k.a. my throne

3. Perfectly good bras (love those cups!)

4. Box spring mattresses

5. Baseboards

6. Windowsills

7. Brand new bed linens

8. Carpet

9. Garage shelving

10. Dining room chairs

11. The Internet connection

12. Scrapbook supplies

13. The human pet's homework

*If you were to ask me the truth of such things in person, I will deny it adamantly.

May I use your chapstick please?

With Mother's Day right around the corner, I'd like to take a moment to share this fable with you. Let's its lesson sink into your heart and nestle you tightly in its kind words. (Many thanks to our friend, Tina, for sharing this!) Enjoy!

"So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on this mat in our bathroom.

Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves chapstick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing it. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my chapstick very carefully to Jack's . . rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right--their little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind.

And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cats behind or the hundredth. And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your chapstick on the cat's butt."

One down, one to go

Last night, the human pet took one of her two finals. Her hand was in a crumpled state by the time she arrived home. As a result, it was backhanded rubs for me.

Thank goodness this semester is almost over!

Picking up the crack pipe

Well, I tried warning her, but did it do any good?

No.

She's back on the crack again, and this time, it's serious.

Take, for example, what she did yesterday morning.

My pet woke up at about nine o'clock. She took a shower, made some coffee, and casually browsed through some mail. I watched her from the dining room as she stood in the kitchen, noting the slight twitch in her mouse hand, a.k.a right hand, as she sipped on her cup.

"Don't give into it," I said. "You must fight it."

"I really don't want to study," she replied.

"Don't give into it," I said again. "Why don't you and I just snuggle on the couch and watch some HGTV?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to go kill drachnids in The Hive for that awesome shield that Izne needs. Plus, I think I could probably get some experience and maybe some more cool items."

My pet stepped out of the kitchen and headed for the den as I sat there, screaming: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

By the time I raced into the den, she was already seated at the computer with her coffee cup on her left and her right hand on the mouse. Her eyes had that junkie glow, and I could tell that she was settling in for a morning of so-called "adventure". I bolted to her feet and cried out to her, "Please don't do this! Think about what you're doing!"

It was too late.

She had already assumed the persona of the evil necromancer named Izne, and she was determined to solo (i.e., kill things without the help of others in the game) until her eyes bulged out of her skull. Determined to get her away from the computer, I rose up on my hind legs and kneaded my claws into her thigh.

"Good God, Zeus! That [expletive] hurts!" She batted at me, and I only circled around for another round.

"I mean it! How am I supposed to concentrate? C'mon! Stop it!"

I let her know my anger with several sharp cries directed at her. When she looked down at me, I stared at her with a disapproving glare.

"I'm almost to The Hive. Whatever it is, it can wait."

I let out a breath between my teeth that made her turn her head again to look at me. " ' I'm almost to The Hive'," I said mocking her. "IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL PLACE!"

Her eyes became like slits as she burrowed her gaze into me. "I swear, Zeus. I've about had it."

Soon, the sounds of WRRRR and AWWWW and RrhmmmRrhmmm filled the air. Footsteps blasted out of the speakers followed by digital insectoid noises.

She had reached The Hive.

I kneaded my claws into her thigh again. I wasn't about to let this drop.

Turning in her chair, the pet let out an exasperated sigh. "Alright, alright. What is it?"

"FEED ME!"

"If I feed you, will you leave me alone?"

It is at this point in the story, my friends, that I must say I succumbed to that most natural of all instincts: hunger. I wish I could say I was a good pet owner, that I looked after my pet and reprimanded her for her ill ways, but alas, I cannot. In the end, I did the only thing I could do.

I gave in to the blackmail.

My pet got up, filled my food bowl to the line that read "Brimming", and proceeded back to the den whereupon I did not hear from her for another three hours. A part of myself died yesterday, but no matter.

At least I had a full food bowl.

Color your world

Human females are the most curious creatures. I think I could live my entire feline existence and still never understand them. There's just no accounting for their drastic changes in mood, decisions, or, in some cases, physical appearance.

For example, let's examine what happened yesterday afternoon.

My human pet typically arrives home by four o'clock. Normally, her make-up is worn by this point, and her clothes are a tad frumpled from sitting in her car. She smells of the scents of her day: copier ink, gasoline, sloppy joes from a school cafeteria. Her steps are tiresome, and on occasion, she takes a short one to two hour nap just to recharge.

That didn't happen yesterday.

At around five o'clock, my keen ears picked up the brisk walk of a human approaching the front door. There seemed to be a rare and yet obvious spring to the step of this human, and I knew for certain it could not be my human pet as "tired" and "spring" do not go quote "hand-in-hand" as the homo sapiens say. The door opened, and in walked this strange looking individual who acted like she lived here.

I stared for a long time at this woman. She looked familiar, but at the same time, she did not. I padded beside her calves and sniffed. No scents of my human pet to be found. Instead, she smelled of rosemary and gingko, bleach, and just a hint of lemongrass. The clothes were not even the stylish fashions my pet wore home from work.

Who was this person?

I steered back on my hind feet as my hairs bristled from head to tail. I became one with my inner-dog. There was no way I was letting this strange female into The House without a fight! I spat at her toes, and I waved an angry, fully clawed paw at her ankles to let her know that I had gone "crunk" as the humans say.

The human leaned over, and she smiled at me for the longest. Rubbing behind my ears, she subdued me with her charms and then lifted me up off of the floor.

"I don't know what your problem is, Zeus. Isis must be rubbing off on you," she said.

What passed through my mind was to the effect of, "Oh no, you di'in!"

I looked into those familiar green eyes, and I could hardly believe it.

My pet was a brand new woman! No caterpillars arching over her eyes! No dull, dark blonde hair! Why, she looked absolutely radiant!

And then I remembered that she had not told me she was going to be late or that she would be changing her look.

"Did you ask me if you could color your hair?" I asked.

"No, and if you don't watch it, I'll dye you pink," was her response.

I said nothing. I think that was a wise choice on my part.

Thursday Thirteen, Edition #32

Thirteen False Cognates (English/Spanish)

Out of love for my dear Mexican hairless feline friends, I have been working on my Spanish lately. See if you can figure out the false cognate in the following English sentences. Some of them are quite amusing!

1. The snake was so large!

2. My mom is embarassed so she can't fly on airplanes.

3. I was the ultimate student to leave the room.

4. Yesterday, we went to the store to buy some ropes.

5. Please put these papers in that manilla carpet.

6. You don't have to support that!

7. Could you get me a vase of water please?

8. There was a very bad choke on the highway this morning.

9. Did you record our meeting this afternoon?

10. The party was a huge exit!

11. I assist to the office every day.

12. Look at all of the beautiful wildflowers in the camp!

13. Their body was so beautiful that I cried when they said, "I do!"

Need help? Visit Obvious...But Wrong or Amigos Falsos!