Monday, May 07, 2007

Picking up the crack pipe

Well, I tried warning her, but did it do any good?

No.

She's back on the crack again, and this time, it's serious.

Take, for example, what she did yesterday morning.

My pet woke up at about nine o'clock. She took a shower, made some coffee, and casually browsed through some mail. I watched her from the dining room as she stood in the kitchen, noting the slight twitch in her mouse hand, a.k.a right hand, as she sipped on her cup.

"Don't give into it," I said. "You must fight it."

"I really don't want to study," she replied.

"Don't give into it," I said again. "Why don't you and I just snuggle on the couch and watch some HGTV?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to go kill drachnids in The Hive for that awesome shield that Izne needs. Plus, I think I could probably get some experience and maybe some more cool items."

My pet stepped out of the kitchen and headed for the den as I sat there, screaming: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

By the time I raced into the den, she was already seated at the computer with her coffee cup on her left and her right hand on the mouse. Her eyes had that junkie glow, and I could tell that she was settling in for a morning of so-called "adventure". I bolted to her feet and cried out to her, "Please don't do this! Think about what you're doing!"

It was too late.

She had already assumed the persona of the evil necromancer named Izne, and she was determined to solo (i.e., kill things without the help of others in the game) until her eyes bulged out of her skull. Determined to get her away from the computer, I rose up on my hind legs and kneaded my claws into her thigh.

"Good God, Zeus! That [expletive] hurts!" She batted at me, and I only circled around for another round.

"I mean it! How am I supposed to concentrate? C'mon! Stop it!"

I let her know my anger with several sharp cries directed at her. When she looked down at me, I stared at her with a disapproving glare.

"I'm almost to The Hive. Whatever it is, it can wait."

I let out a breath between my teeth that made her turn her head again to look at me. " ' I'm almost to The Hive'," I said mocking her. "IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL PLACE!"

Her eyes became like slits as she burrowed her gaze into me. "I swear, Zeus. I've about had it."

Soon, the sounds of WRRRR and AWWWW and RrhmmmRrhmmm filled the air. Footsteps blasted out of the speakers followed by digital insectoid noises.

She had reached The Hive.

I kneaded my claws into her thigh again. I wasn't about to let this drop.

Turning in her chair, the pet let out an exasperated sigh. "Alright, alright. What is it?"

"FEED ME!"

"If I feed you, will you leave me alone?"

It is at this point in the story, my friends, that I must say I succumbed to that most natural of all instincts: hunger. I wish I could say I was a good pet owner, that I looked after my pet and reprimanded her for her ill ways, but alas, I cannot. In the end, I did the only thing I could do.

I gave in to the blackmail.

My pet got up, filled my food bowl to the line that read "Brimming", and proceeded back to the den whereupon I did not hear from her for another three hours. A part of myself died yesterday, but no matter.

At least I had a full food bowl.

12 comments:

The Meezers said...

you can't save them all Zeus. And at least you hadded a full food bowl. Now, if you pee on the keyboard, it might stop her for a while.

Radioactive Jam said...

And now RrhmmmRrhmmm will fill my head for the forseeable future.

Thanks, Zeus. Thanks a lot.

Also, my comment WV string is wlhzutni, which reminds me of one of my all-time favorite words:
wazooty.

I'm just saying.

Cheysuli said...

A cat should never feel guilty Zeus. Food is our life.

The Crew said...

Hmmm, it sounds like your Pet has the same problem as Kukka's Agent...online addiction. Maybe Dr. Phil would give you a discount and do a "2 for the price of 1" intervention.

The Meezer Gang said...

we all have to readjust our Beans priorites sometimes...

NOLADawn said...

Poor Zeusie!! What's Isis doing with all of this? You two should get together and plan one of those things like the birds in the Windex commercial! Something, to knock some sense into her.... excuse me I have to get back to Tycoon City- NY now...

DK & The Fluffies said...

Sucked into the vortex she is...

Zeus said...

Meezers: I think I would end up tore to pieces if I peed on the keyboard. Even I know when to say when!

RJ: Sorry about getting the sound stuck in your head, but now you know what my life is like. You can suffer with me!

Cheysuli: I only feel guilty for not being able to get her off the computer. I am such a failure.

Crew: It's similar, but I would almost have to say that Evercrack is ten times worse due to it being much more interactive. I would definitely be interested in the 2-for-1 deal.

The Meezer Gang: Readjust? How about complete scrap and reprogram?

Nola: Isis says to tell you that if she told you how she was handling this, she would have to kill you. I'm very sorry, but please don't make me tell you.

DK: Yes...without a life preserver.

NOLADawn said...

LOL thanks for thinking of my best interest!

Kukka-Maria said...

I'm calling the Department of Social Services...or the ASPCA on her.

Will the game cuddle her at night? Will the game love her back?

I think not.

Mert said...

Even the best of us have our "price", try not to be too hard on yourself Zeus.

The pet and I have a lot in common, I am addicted to The Sims 2.

Sparky Duck said...

wait is it WoW or GW?