Thursday, September 14, 2006

Yum Yum! Veggie Boca Burgers are DELICIOUS!

Dear Zeus,

I came across your blog the other day, and I was really quite confused. At first, I saw your profile picture, and I thought, "Surely this isn't someone who thinks he's a cat." However, as I read the posts, I began to understand that you honestly do think you are a cat.

Zeus (whomever you really are), I hope you understand why I won't be linking to you. I just can't have crazy people represented on my blog. Don't comment again on my posts either. It's all too weird.

Sincerely,

Simon


P.S. What is it with your stupid signature anyhow? We all know that's not your paw. It was clearly made using Microsoft Paint.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Simon,

You claim to be confused, but I do believe I am the one more confused than you. You see, I am a cat, and I can't just stop being a cat. Believe me, I have tried! However, there just comes a point in your life where you have to accept who you are, and I have done that a long time ago. I wonder how comfortable you are in your own homo sapien skin, Simon.

Are you intimidated by my whisker humps? I realize they are quite large and manly, but I cannot help this part of my being. After all, I am a cat. Perhaps it is my long, striking tail that throws you into fits of jealousy? I hadn't figured you for tail-envy, but I can only assume that this might be part of the reason for this vicious assault. I am not a homophobe (a.k.a., a creature afraid of homo sapiens), but you seem to be a catophobe.

I don't know why you question whether or not I took out a stuffed kangaroo named Cangura in my living room or whether or not I really utilize the scientific method when it comes to my human pet. Is it so hard to believe that I might encourage a particular ceramic kitty named Blackie into a drinking spree or that I am knowledgable when it comes to chakras? Perhaps it's even harder to swallow that I am actually a world traveler, and I happen to know Phil Keoghan personally. I think you're simply jealous of my accomplishments, my accolades, my sheer tenacity, and of course, my intelligence.

If you choose not to link to me, then that is your choice. I don't recall asking you to link to me. I understand you have an image you need to maintain. In the wide world of blogging, my kind and I are like Veggie Boca Burgers presented in the line-up of McDonald's along with Big Macs and Quarter Pounders with Cheese. I know you don't have a place for me on your so-called menu, and that's ok. Sooner or later, though, you will have to make room for all the other crazies like me.

I'll help you out in advance. Title your blogroll: V.B.B. That way, no one will know you're associating with the mighty Veggie Boca Burger Blogosphere.

Sincerely,



P.S. The scanner I utilize regularly would not accept my plaster mold of my paw print, and I was forced to improvise. You caught me: I did use Microsoft Paint for my signature. I would like to think that it is a very close representation of my paw based on the original mold, but I can certainly upgrade it. Thank you for inspiring me, Simon!

27 comments:

Proppie said...

This Simon-man probably came out of an egg if he gets confused by the feline keeping their own blogs...

Heeeey! I have an idea! If you don't like someone's blog; don't go there!

Proppie
PS...I'm so happy that my Bird isn't that narrow-minded!

Candy Minx said...

Ha ha ha ha this is the craziest funniest thing I've seen in ages...I love it, what a freak grumpy pants ol' simon is...I wonder if he will read this? Yikes what a nut!!!

How can not tell you're really a cat? i can hear you purring from here!

Hey, Zeus, thanks for taking the time from your busy day of playing and napping to come and visit my blog.
I had so many thoughtful comments and some people expressed guilt that I got inspired and wrote a small response to the comments yesterdaay...I hope you might have time to drop by and read the response I'd be curious to your perspective...

Great to meet you, you bring a smile to my face!

Candy

http://gnosticminx.blogspot.com/2006/09/guilty-as-we-want-to-be.html

The Meezers said...

well of course you are a cat - any idiot can see what manly whisker humps you have. sheesh. sounds like Simon is furry jealous - perhaps 'acause you has a more popular blog than he does?

Carmen said...

Forget about Simon. . .

You know Phil! Did you see the pics on Wendy's blog of her with Phil? Will you be my Amazing Race partner, Zeus? Can I use your picture and Photoshop us into one of the new teams on this season's Race? :)

PS, thanks for the virtual head butt to make me feel better. You didn't hurt me. ha.

Merlin said...

What is dude's problem? Who is this character, anyhow? Whatever, that's whack. What, am I not a cat either, Simon? Weirdo.

Kaze said...

HaHaHaHa!!! ROTFL (and I never use that term). Wow, see and the Lap Lady was annoyed because the Tall Man was thinking she was crazy 'cause she said she HAD to go to Skeezix's party tomorrow.

Sheesh "Simon", live and let live. Plus, believe me, Zeus is a cat. A highly intellectual cat, but a creature with big whisker humps for sure.

Kukka-Maria said...

I have a feeling Simon hasn't been laid recently. Cyber-sexually or otherwise. Why else would he display his frustrated and clearly jealous insecurities in the form of a scathing email?

Cats like us are totally organic, Zeusy. Boca Burger Brigade, baby!

I think Simon (if that is his real name) needs to relax, eat his McDonalds value meal(s) and surf the porn sites for which he has a deep and burning affection.

So sayeth the Kukka-Maria.

Hot(M)BC said...

You tell him Zeus! Some beans are so silly. He prolly didn't take his medications.
Purrrrrrrs,
Boni

Sdit. said...

Poor Simon. He hasn't pooped in a year. I'd be cranky too. ;D

Zeus what will you do if you dont get his precious link? Will you no longer be popular?

Me and Sophie still love you!!

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Clearly, this is a case of insane jealously, Zeus. Everyone wishes they were cats, don't they? You should pay no mind to this fool!

George

Ariel said...

Nicely Put Zeus.I could'nt have said it better myself.As for Simon...HISS!!!!!!!!

Cecilia said...

Well put Zeus.

PrincessMia said...

Zeus, what a weirdo that Simon guy is. How rude that he said not to comment on his blog. I think that's shockingly rude. I'm appalled. I like your analogy, though. ;)

You are a veggie burger.

Fat Eric said...

Whaaaaaat???

What a strange person. Of course you are a cat. There are pictures to prove it.

Humans are bizarre sometimes...

Ariel said...

Hello Zeus ,
Please go to my blog

Anonymous said...

Thanks for giving me a good laugh, Zeus. I know that you realize that not all homo sapiens are as thick-headed and thin-skinned as Simon.

Ann, The TLO

Jack Of All Trades said...

Love your blog!! New to this and am trying to get the ball rolling with the help of my wonderful ex wife....Keep up the good work here!

one of us said...

Ahahahahahahahhaa, you tell him Zeus *gasp* heehee -he can't believe you are a cat ~Merlin, Shadow, KO KO

Renee said...

some people just need to be crabby for no good reason. ignore them and they go away.

Eric and Flynn said...

Wot an ole mizzery guts that Simon is. Course yer a cat,an a furry hansum cat, we all know that. We fink he's jellus cuz yoo are such an intellyjent cat

kailani said...

I say you're better off without him. It's his loss! I'm proud to have you on my blogroll!

Candy Minx said...

This is still cracking me up today...so funny...any other news from Simon?

Here are some cool blogs related to your comments at my blog the other day...thanks so much for the fod for thought and much to think about!!!

Cheers
Candy

http://www.eatthesuburbs.org/edap-primer/
http://transitionculture.org/
http://www.fuellingthefuture.org/
http://www.peakoil.ie/
http://www.powerswitch.org.uk/
http://www.pfaf.org/
http://www.energybulletin.net/

Cheysuli said...

Unfortunately this is the sort of prejudice we are up against daily, Zeus. Hopefully this will change when I start running for office in earnest.

Rascal said...

That's telling him Zeus. Good grief. Just what we need, another confused, ignorant human running around the blogosphere, as if there weren't enough of them already.

Patches & Mittens said...

Who is this guy, is he for real? You need to give us his blog, so we can make a "friendly" visit.

Patches

Luxor said...

I guess there's not much to add to the comments at this point, but I just want you to know I'm behind you in this rather peculiar situation!

Skeeeeezix the Cat said...

I'm glad I didn't invite Simon to my berthday party. Evry wunce in a wile, peeple come on catblogs and ridikyool us for blogging, like we're a big thret or sumthing. They shood git a life.