Wooing Females, Tip #1

I've tried Axe Body Spray, guitar rifts, and even eHarmony to secure a female's attentions, but this time, my fine tomcats, I think I have found the ultimate guarantee for landing that oh-so-special-someone.

Do you doubt me? You should not.

What I am about to tell you will revolutionize the way you approach your everyday lives. You will be astounded, amazed, and dare I say, speechless. I sense you still don't believe me, but no worries: I didn't believe it either when I first heard about...

Neuticles!

You heard how Stella got her groove back? Well be prepared to get your balls back, my fellow testicle-challenged toms! With Neuticles, you could be a swinger - literally and figuratively! For just $99.00, you can have a pair worth bragging about, and believe me, it's well worth the investment.

Let's just take a look at what some recently implanted tomcats are saying:

"I used to cry at night wondering where my balls went, but now, with Neuticles, I know exactly where they are."

- Popeye from Topeka, Kansas

"It's freakin' fantastic that I can't sit down!"

- Lucky from Juneau, Alaska

"Who cares if I'm shooting blanks? Only I know for sure!"

- Mr. Wiggles from Grand Rapids, Michigan

Still not convinced that this is for you? What if I told you that you didn't need to settle for average feline testicles? Imagine life with a pair of bull balls hanging between your legs! You could be quite the tom about town with your new and improved Neuticle 5.75 inch bull testicle implants, and you'd only be spending $649.00 for the pair!

Sure, walking would be difficult, but WHO CARES?!?

The company guarantees that:

• The texture and firmness of Neuticle Naturals were crafted based on the firmness of actual animal testicles.


• Neuticles replicate the testicle in actual size, shape, weight, and feel.


• Over 100,000 pets have been neutered with Neuticles in all 50 states and 32 countries worldwide by over 9000 veterinarians without a single reported complication when implanted as directed.

You have absolutely nothing to lose, and everything to gain! Just remember: When your human pet tells you that she could probably donate $649.00 to a local animal shelter and make more of a difference, you remind her that she should have thought about that before taking your manhood away from you! She won't have anything to say once you hit her with that massive guilt trip.

It's a small price to pay for the wrong committed against you.

Make things right. Get Neuticles, and feel like a tom again.