Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Wooing Females Tip #407

While laying on the back of the couch last night, a commercial came on which I had never seen before:




I was really intrigued, and who wouldn't be? If the geekiest of homo sapiens can out do Nick Lachey by using Axe products, then certainly, this could work for tomcats too! Perhaps finally, those tomcats without proper tools in the box could finally compete against those rougher, fully equipped, toms. Axe could be our salvation!

Turning to the human pet who lay below me, I quickly used my coveted cover and smother method to get her to stand up. She choked and spat, flailed her arms at me, and yelled, "Zeus, what is your problem?!" I simply raised my paw and pointed at the television where the emblazoned Axe symbol was still shimmering on the screen. The human pet turned her head to look at me again. "Are you serious? You want Axe body spray?" I nodded solemnly.

With a deep sign, the human pet picked up her keys, and about one nap later, she came back with some Axe for me. However, she had messed it all up by buying the shower gel! It was too late though. I had to try it! I needed to know! It was my duty to William, Moose, Miles, Victor, Beau Beau, Fat Eric, Rascal, and so many other toms out there to discover the truth!

I rubbed the gel all over my body, and then I sat there.

A few moments later as I lay in my new found glory of Axe shower gel, my sister, Isis, came padding up to me and said, "What do you have all over you? Is that some contagious disease? It looks like you're bleeding yellow goo!"

Rolling my eyes at her, I exclaimed proudly: "Hmph. I'm attempting one of my greatest experiments yet. If this succeeds, tomcats, proper toolboxes or not, will all be able to woo felines from near and far. No longer will we of neutered ranks be forced to cower and hide, taking a backseat to those with hoo-has! No longer..."

Isis' nose hung in the air, sniffing heavily as she said, "Yeah, yeah, whatever, but what is that smell? It smells so rugged, so musky. Wow, it sure does smell good!"

SUCCESS!

38 comments:

Latte said...

Hmmm...you are a genius to have recognized how we could use this for our own purposes! I think I'm going to have to make the Chip Man get me some! Now, you're sure the gooey part isn't a problem?

Carmen said...

Ha! I'd never seen this commercial - very funny. I'm thinking of buying an "I'm for Nick" t-shirt. ;)

I'm working on a new blog design, and I'm going to have to add a feline peeps section. :)

Back from Wendys, although I will say I stopped by earlier before heading to Wendys and you hadn't updated yet. Darn time zones!

Zeus said...

Latte, I think that you're probably better off getting the body spray than the shower gel simply because the gel is a pain in the butt to get out without opposable thumbs. With the body spray, you just lay your paw on the top of the and push down.

Carmen, I feel the same way about time zones. They stink! A feline peeps section on your blog?! I'm honored!

Just make sure you highlight I'm cooler than Kukka-Maria...

Renee said...

UMMMM I think you're going to attract the femme beans more than the femme felines...but so be it.

I'm here via Axe...

oh yeah, and from Wendy too! :D

Mama Duck said...

Maybe you should actually take a SHOWER with the gel..... ha ha ha. Here from Wendy again!

Kukka-Maria said...

I'm pretty sure you don't need Axe to make you sexy, Zeus! I've always adored you...since way back in the 70's when you used to wear purple.

I'm going to have to have my brother, Brach, check this out, though. Despite his wicked-awesome sister (ahem...me), he struggles with the ladies.

And...[shrieking] WHAT? "...highlight I'm cooler than Kukka-Maria?"

I never thought you'd do me like that. Do I need to wage a secret fight with you?

Renee said...

Back again...can't resist that smell...

oh and the fact that Wendy directed me here. :D

Zeus said...

I don't know what came over me, Kukka. I think it was the Axe talking because I would never say such a thing about you otherwise...

Crosses fingers behind his back...

IndyPindy said...

Zeus, you do NOT need Axe! And having that goo all over you CANNOT feel good!

My mom is not a fan of Nick Lachey. She says she doesn't like men who are prettier than she is. And my mom is pretty!

Renee said...

LOL kitty, I won't tell!

From what I've seen, kitties eat sandwiches in parts...so I'm not gonna bother to put the sandwich together...just gather the ingredients for you.

Mama Duck said...

I think this cat is so sophisticated that he would eat a sandwich like a human, all put together.

Carmen said...

All will be equal on the Feline Peeps section, when it's finished. There's really only two of you so far, so you won't have to compete - much ;)

Back from Wendys

Gemini said...

Oh Zeus, we've always thought you were furry masculine and sexy... however I was spayed at such a young age, I wouldn't know what that means...

Mama Duck said...

ROTFL I hope you weren't neutered, just my random thought of the day....

Zeus said...

Duckie Poo: I was neutered! That is why this Axe experiment was so valuable! I finally found a way for we neutered tomcats to compete with our unneutered brethren!

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Zeus, dude!! Your daring Axe experiment will be of invaluable aide to all us guys who've undergone our hoo-ha-ectomy. If your own sister (eewwww!) finds it attractive, other females will be defenseless against our manly charms. Just think...I can be a chick magnet again if I use Axe!

Zeus said...

Crew: I was definitely a little frightened when Isis found it attractive (Talk about awkward!), but then I reminded myself it was all in the name of science!

Otto K. said...

Okay, I feel a bit out of it. Had you not said who the "star" was, I wouldn't have been able to place him.

Wendy sent me here.

Mama Duck said...

ROTFL!!! I'm wondering what the point is then..... but if being charmingly attractive is all you have left, I think you are making the best of it!

Happy0303 said...

Boy, you sure got your human wrapped around your little paw!

Here via Wendy, but I guess you already knew that!

Carmen said...

I don't think those were the drumsticks she was looking for, so you can stop looking guilty. I think she wanted drum (space) sticks. To play the drums with. ha ha ha.

Mama Duck said...

Still reeks of Axe over here, AGH!!!!

DEBRA said...

Oh now Zeus you know you don't have to resort to AXE to give you sex appeal!

*ABBY

The Meezers said...

we will send our mommy back out in the hot hot heat to get us some Axe. We fink one of the ginger kitties that bangs on our patio door is a girl, so we'll has to try it out.

Happy0303 said...

Remember . . . she's your sister. Oh, it doesn't matter to cats, huh? In that case, go for it!

NOLADawn said...

Zeus,
Thanks for the heads up on the Axe! There is this fine lookin' orange tabby that has been chillin' on my back porch. Now, I was neutered at an early age too, but what could it hurt... she is H-O-T!!
Charlie

Eric and Flynn said...

Hey Zeus. we get that axe ad. in the UK, but it is called Lynx here. Sounds a bit more feline doncha think? Our dad uses it, so we are going to sneak in and try it out, and see what happens.

Zeus said...

I have heard of Lynx as well, and I bet it is probably going to give you lots of purr appeal, Eric and Flynn! You'll have to post what happens!

Les Trois Chats said...

Hmm, Mom is pretty sure you might be more likely to gather female people instead of female kitties. Let me know how this plays out, though. I may have to give it a try...
~ moose

Bravely Sir Robin said...

Thanks for your visits to my blog. You are sooo right about the alektrik bills - the house I live in was built in 1973 and still has the original A/C so even with the new attic insulation, the bill last month was in triple digits! One more month like that and they might switch to the crappy generic quality food & litter for awhile... :P

William said...

(Er...didn't you say your sister was schizo?)

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

i live wif 2 girls an i they bof annoy me. are ya shure i'm supposed ta wanna get girls? i'd rather go play in a box wif Victor Tabbycat.
Cocoa
p.s. Grr says you're cute

Lone Star Purrs said...

Our Daddy uses the Axe stuff (it's K-i-l-o scent it says). Momma seems to really like it when he uses it. We like it too. We'd be happy to come sniff you.
~M&K

Butterscotch said...

Wow thanks for the Idea. Mommys BF uses this stuff and there is some in the bathroom. It may be my turn to try. Now If I can only get outside somehow to see if it works..

WendyWings said...

ROTFL love it, sorry it took me so long to get over here. I sent a LOT of others your way though so that makes up for it.

Happy0303 said...

Hey Zeus

Would you be interested in submitting this post to the Carnival of Family Life that I host? Afterall, pets are part of the family, too. Deadline is Sunday August 6th at 8pm Hawaii Time. Here is a link to a previous edition.

http://the-pink-diary.blogspot.com/2006/07/
carnival-of-family-life-11.html

Let me know, k? Have a great evening!

Mommy the Maid said...

I am wondernig where the picture of you all gooed up is. :D

Rascal said...

My Dad says I'm already a stink pot. Does that count?