Saturday, April 04, 2009

The tongue is ever turning to the aching tooth

Some of you might remember the last time I went to see Dr. Rodriguez, one of my supreme arch enemies. That woman has been nothing but a pain in my feline ass for as long as I can remember. Normally, I could care less if she graduated from Texas A&M, owned two dogs and two cats at home, or possessed a good bedside manner.

Now, though, I really don't give a damn.

This woman is trying to steal my sexual prowess!

As if there's even that much to steal!

Isis and I had our annual exams this morning, and for once, I lowered my head and decided to go with the so-called "flow". I let Dr. Rodriguez pet me, exam my ears, feel along my belly, and even poke at my gums. She spoke to me calmly, whispering sweet nothings, but I wasn't fooled. I knew she had bad news for me.

That's why I wasn't surprised when she told me that my body was rejecting my own teeth.

"Um, they're my teeth, and unless I'm mistaken, the last time I checked, they're a part of my body. I thought every part of me was getting along so well," I said.

"Well, Zeus, we don't understand it, but some cats produce an enzyme in their old age which attacks the teeth. You seem to have this problem. No one knows why it happens or what triggers it, but some of these teeth have to go," Dr. Rodriguez replied.

The look I gave her neared frustration. "Excuse me, but have you seen me? I'm a svelte fifteen pounds. Lady, I need to eat."

"No worries. You'll be able to eat just fine," she said with a chuckle.

Oh really? No worries? Last time I checked, the ladies don't like a toothless, gummy feline. It's bad enough I don't have my hoohahs, but now, she wants to take my teeth. My chances of ever finding a female are slowly fading into the perpetual sunset over Eunuchville.

I cried.

Isis, on the other hand, wasn't about to be handled by Dr. Rodriguez. She poofed out, performing her classic 'blowfish kitty' routine. She growled, hissed, spat, and then right when Dr. Rodriguez thought perhaps Isis was warming up to her, she went on an all-out attack, complete with flailing claws.

Isis ran to the human pet and cowered on her lap. The human pet, though, did not help her. She put Isis back on the table and laughed. You heard me: Laughed. I wanted to smack her. What kind of pet am I raising?

As always, I'm the one with the problems. Isis never hears any bad news when we go to see Dr. Rodriguez. I think that woman plays favorites, but that figures: Females always stick together.

20 comments:

Tuck said...

Oh no...did they steal your teeth? I think that V-E-T is hoping your precious teeth will bring her good luck or something. Did you also get violated? I was there this morning as well and they did something unforgiveable...

Tom and Tama-Chan said...

So... what did they actually do to your teeth? You might actually want to consider hopping a plane and coming over here before letting them take anything from you. We are told that feline dental care is unbelievably expensive in the States, and much more reasonably priced here (like human care, actually...).

Your Pals,
Tommy and The Girls

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Don't worry Zeus. I had two dentistries already and I am a young cat. I do just fine with three teeth...

Lorenza said...

Is she going to steal your teeth??
Did she say you are old??
She is not nice!!!
I hope you are going to be ok!
Take care
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Parker said...

Damn....that's cold....
Teeth or no teeth, you're the man Zeus!

Eric and Flynn said...

Whaaat??? She wants to steal your teeth? She probably wants to sell them for a profit.
She's not a very nice V E T calling you old either.Isis did well though, puffing up and going for the attack.

Max said...

Doood, I hate to tell ya, but any horny prowess we had was long gone when they RIPPED OUR HOOHAHS off our bodies.

Now girl kitties...they're almost always very nice about this. And they're so nice that they'll overlook some missing teeth. And long as you get to keep your tongue (because sometimes they like to be licked just behind the ears...so I hear, I haven't tried this) the girl kitties will still think you're a Studly Zeus.

It sucks you have to get some yanked out, though. That's not gonna be pleasant. Make sure they give you the fun drugs when they do.

Poochieheaven said...

Hope all goes well! Jax gets to go to the vet on Wednesday and they are going to steal his balls and claws :)

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The Meezers said...

wait, you're rejecting your OWN teef? that's just insane dude. that woman needs to haf her head examined.

about the bad kitty cats festival of chaos: as long as your submission is cat related and from your blog - you can submit anything. but, the badder the behavior the better!

The Meezers said...

oh, and we meant to say too that THIS post would be a really good one to submit. :-)

Angel said...

Oh, Man! Zeus! that is too bad, but If you don't take care of this it will only get worse!

Shaggy, Scooby and Scout said...

Zeus! We've never heard of this tooth phenomena. Take heart, big fellow, there is NO WAY anyone will ever consider you a toothless old geezer!! You are a stud, and like Max said...it's all in the tongue anyway.

Pink Chihuahua Princess said...

Awww...poor Zeus. Even though I'm not a kitty it makes me nervous b/c Mommy is taking me (Belicia) to the V-E-T to get my teeth cleaned Friday.

Fin said...

Oh my goodness, sorry to hear baout this, but you will still be as handsome as ever... not to worry.

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

Oh Zeus..no one likes going to the dentist, but Teri is a vet tech and she knows exactly what is happenin' with your toofers...it's call FORL (Feline Odonoclastic Resorptive Lesions). Tell your pet that even though you hide it, those spots are painful, like maybe if she has a cavity and eats something cold...but worse.

Cats have a very hard gumline and once your gums heal (about 10 days) you will be able to eat anything you want with no ouchy spots, even dry kibble is fine. Sounds like Chey and Gemini know...

Here's a couple of links to FORL info:

http://www.vin.com/VINDBPub/SearchPB/Proceedings/PR05000/PR00066.htm

http://www.dentalvet.com/vets/cats/feline_dental_pathology_and_care.htm

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cory said...

Oh Zeus...teeth or no teeth you'll still be as seductive as ever. It's all about catitude anyway.

Aloysius said...

I'm sorry you have to have some teeth pulled. It happened to me, too, and I got well. I can still eat dry kibble, too.

The Crew said...

Wait...she called you OLD?! It's bad enough admitting to yourself that you're a hoo-haless geezer, well on your way to becoming toothless, but to have to stand there and be insulted, too?! It's shameful.

Yours in geezerhood
George

TC said...

Aww, poor Zeus. We all still love ya.