Thursday, March 19, 2009


Dear human pet woman in the house,

Consider the words of the prophet, Muhammad:

There are three signs of a hypocrite: when he speaks he speaks lies, when he makes a promise he breaks it, and when he is trusted he betrays his trust.

You, Marina, are a hypocrite.

A blasphemous betrayer.

A backstabbing, malicious, evil forked-tongue wench.

There is no depth of hate that I can put into words that can describe the sheer outrage boiling and teeming inside of my feline belly. Though some might consider it to be hunger (and it more than likely is), it is not a hunger for food. It is a hunger for justice!

How could you DO this to me?

I must admit that I was lingering in denial, unable to bring myself to the truth which so desperately wanted to be brought into the proverbial light. I saw the scraps of a photograph, and I defended you to my friends. "She's moving on to someone else, Zeus," they said, but did I listen?

No! Not once!

I refused to believe that you would take my tiny, beating heart into your hands and crush it in your grubby fingers. You, of all people, have known me, cherished me, loved me for eight long years, but clearly, 2920 days spent together in blissful companionship has meant absolutely nothing to you. I suppose it might have meant something to you had we managed to make it to 3000. You always did like clean, unfiltered numbers.

Nonetheless, I digress...

What woman stands there before me? I know her not. Yesterday, I knew her, but today - today, she is like an unfinished portrait, awaiting the master's stroke to be complete. She is nothing more than a collection of vile, sinful, and evil ways. (Speaking of vile, sinful, and evil ways, I highly suggest that since you're Catholic, you make your way to confession right this instant. A sin of this magnitude might very well keep you from entering the heavenly gates.)

In the end, I wish I could say, "It's not you; it's me," but that would be lying. It is all you - you and the Boston Terrier puppy you have named Ares that is coming home with you on April 7, 2009.

I heart you no longer.


Bob-kat said...

Poor Zeus! I know it feels like betrayal now but this sweet little bundle will be yours to treat with disdain and haughty indifference as you please! I am sure your human has more than enough love for you both. My cat Bob shares me with 4 lizards, though he does get zealous when they come out and sit on me. He has to as well and it can be a little snug!

The Meezers said...

oh Zeus, our heart breaks for you. How awful. we will stand behind you brother cat, in protest of the infidel invading your house.

Angel said...

Poor Zeus! I am sure Mom still loves you. I hope you can find a little love for her. You do have a couple of weeks to change her mind!

Tom and Tama-Chan said...


OK, Zeus, here is how it works... You make that puppy yours and THAT will be the best revenge of all! Move in on him the second he staggers in through that door, and lavish your attention on him. HE WIL BE YOURS! And where will that leave your "woman"? Eh?!

As for your question, yes, that is indeed an LL Bean dog bed. I have had it since I came to live with #1, when I was 3 months old. I am now 18 months old, and it still looks brand new. I love the fleece cover for the winter months and I have a regular cover for the rest of the year. Highly recommended. But mind... I am not the destructive sort...

Your Pal,

Shaggy, Scooby and Scout said...

You know Zeus, he might make an ok sidekick. Then you could give the orders & he'd have to go do it.

The Island Cats said...

Poor Zeus! You gotta put up with that little woofie??!? That is just so wrong!

Aloysius said...

I bet you outweigh that puppy, Zeus. Not that you're overweight, it's just that the puppy is so tiny. So you should be able to teach it who's boss pretty quickly. That should be satisfying!

The Crew said...

Fortunately you have some time to develop a plan. I suggest you present your (former) Pet a complete list of your rules & regulations, to be read to this intruder daily. You'll also need a new scratcher to hone your claws. No doubt they'll be getting quite a workout as you teach him who's the boss there!

Cory said...

This may sound totally disgusting to you, but we really recommend giving the silly little puppy a tongue bath when he arrives. Pretend to love him and care for him and he will do whatever you ask...believe works.

Cory and manipulative kitty family(don't tell Grete dog I said this)

Derby said...

Oh Zeus, I am so sorry for you that you will have to share your space with a woofie.

Fin said...

Dear Zeus,

I came over to say Hi and thank you for stopping by - but I was drawn in by this post of horror. I read on and I think you seem like a great cat. So I am following now - a level of commitment I rarily make on visit one. You had me at "rhymes with guppy."

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

Dear Zeus and human pet,

I had to come and visit your blog, after you left me a very thoughtful, heartfelt note on my Mewsings blog.

Just like our friend Fin, I rarely follow on a first visit, but I think your blog must be the wisest of cat blogs out there!

But I think you should follow Tom and Tama-Chans advice, as they are experts on cat-dog cohabitation and Cory has a good plan too...human pets and pups love lickies!

Parker said...


Tuck said...

Poor Zeus! We all have your back if you need us to come over and try to block the enemy from entering your home!

Pedro said...


Wow, you really are pissed off at your mom! There are two cats in my house and we all, pretty much, get along. They love my big brother Ziggy but I annoy them a little (and they scare me a little). Give a dawg a chance! We can be really good friends to kitties!


The Creek Cats said...

Boy do we know betrayal, after all there are seven of us cats and a dog too. We really feel for you and could definitely feel the raw emotion in you post and especially in your graphic, graphic!
This little woffie is obviously young and impressionable and that could definitely work in your favor!

Best of luck and thanks for stopping in for a visit here on the crick, please come back and see us, we just love company!

TC said...

Oh, poor kitty. That is pretty evil!

I'm sure she still loves you though. She just... yeah, there is no excuse for what she's doing to you.

Simba said...

The human pet will gain a new appreciation for you and Isis when Ares has been there only a short time - puppies do not have a CLUE about litter boxes and he will wreak havoc on her social life because she will constantly be having to return home to "let the dog out". So just bide your time.
But meanwhile, some of the other suggestions about currying favor with the pup can't hurt. Looks like he will be smaller than you for some time.

Cats~Goats~Quotes said...

How sweet! We think you will get along fine with that precious pup.. you will be a good trainer!
~ Miss Emily