Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Good ol' Mrs. McNickers

Dear Zeus and Isis,

I'm not even sure how to start this letter. This is a rather touchy subject, and I know that this is probably not my place to say any of what I am about to say. I just cannot keep my mouth shut! Oh, goodness, I guess I better just come out and say it then. No need for some dramatic hooplah.

Your owner is crazy.

What she did the other day to the two of you was perhaps one of the most deplorable displays of behavior I have ever seen! I was just minding my business raking the leaves when I saw the two of you scamper out onto your front yard. At first, I thought, "I never see Zeus and Isis outside," but I considered that perhaps your owner had finally loosened up on her strict No Outdoors policy.

You had only been out there for five minutes when she came out with guns blazing. She screamed, "What in the hell do you two think you are doing?" I was a bit befuddled seeing as though the two of you are cats, and she was talking to you like you were children. She said even louder, "There is no reason for the two of you to be out here!" I began to pretend I was raking, but to be honest, her tone made me curious so I continued to watch.

I noticed you listened immediately, Zeus. I was astounded! My own cat never listens to me when I tell him what to do! But Isis - oh, she was quite the kitty indeed. Your owner was so unimaginably cruel to her!

From where I was standing, I could see Isis arching her back and poofing herself out into a big, gray furball. She started hissing at your owner, but your owner was clearly too wrapped up in her own insanity to notice. She stated emphatically, "Listen, crazy: I'm not
the people at DDO, and I will take you on, you little ten pound bitch! Get your ass in this house right now!" She pointed at the door, and Isis, to my utter amazement, listened right away.

I am deeply concerned for both of your well-beings. If you need a safe place to come to, you are more than welcome to stay with me. I need to be honest with you both though: If your owner continues with this crazy behavior, I will be calling CPS (Cat Protection Services), and I will be charging her with endangerment of felines. No cat should be embarassed like the two of you were.

Let me know if you need any help. I am here for the both of you.


Mrs. McNickers


Kimo & Sabi said...

Ooooh - we didn't know there was such a thing as Cat Protective Services - we learn something new evfurry day!

Happy "Dona Nobis Pacem" Day - spread the word.

Rascal said...

Well, well, this is a rather shocking turn of events. Maybe you and Isis were trying to escape???????

NOLADawn said...

Ack!!! CPS??? Yowza, I'd better pull my curtains tighter or I might be accused of "over" feeding... although I know that's not possible, right?

Charlie does the "I'm gonna escape" routine too, except he doesn't know what to do once he actually does the "breakout." He gets out then immediately rolls over to his belly on the doormat. Make sure Isis isn't sending him any messages, ok?

PrincessMia said...

OMG! You got out! Awesome. Did ya eat some grass for me?

The Meezers said...

uh oh, sounds like an escape plan went awry. things must be getting really bad there. does you need a plane ticket? you and isis can come here if necessary

William said...

My mom talks to us like we were "children." What's wrong with that?

Dachsies Rule said...

Oor mom talks to us like children and we listen about as well as your average child. We have escaped a couple of times but Mom has learned to bring treats and we follow her home. If you ever figure out anything interesting to do once you escape, let us know!

Anonymous said...

I know you probably felt really upset at your Human, but maybe she was just worried very much!
I mean, look at Kukka's recent post about kitty porn! There are a lot of kittyophiles out there! I'm sure she was just overcome with worry. So you should try to forgive her.

Bob-kat said...

My cat Bob also does the escape routine but I know how poor his survival skills are 'outside'. He gets yelled at too and he comes right back in. After all, your kitty's are all intelligent enough to know which side your bread is buttered! :-)

kattonic said...

Jeez, duz dat sownd fam-il-ier. Da only kitty here allowed in da out is Zippy and den only on her leash. Mom's worry abowt all dat cood happen to us wen we arr in da out. Bad stuff like cars an bad woofies and uffer wild animuls. So we gotsa furgif dem fur bein offur protectiv, right?

Ariel said...

Cat Protective Services...I would like to report mom using the squirty bottle
on me.The nerve of her.

Gemini said...

Yes, Momma said that you and Isis can come here. Of course, I'm a little bit afraid of Isis, but you are certainly welcome, Zeus.

Kukka-Maria said...

Whew! Mrs. McShittypants used to live by us. I'm glad she moved to Texas.

I'm sorry, but do you really think the woman in the photo would be raking leaves? I could see her doing tequila shooters, but leaves?

"...little ten pound bitch..." LOVE IT!

(Isis, off the record? I think you could have taken her down!)

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Another escape plan foiled. Our Mom said something very similar to that and flapped her arms at us for good measure the last time Max and I went out for a short stroll. Zeus, you know you & Isis are always welcome here, but I suspect Mom wouldn't treat you any differently than she does us. Not that I'm complaining or anything.


Gigolo Kitty said...

Nice to know you have such concerned neighbors.

Junior said...

Wow! Cat Protective Services! Do you have a number for them? I may need to use it one day!

Luna said...

Wow! Muy Bien!
Zeus when you coming to my blog to play with me?

Beau Beau & Angie said...

Both of you tried to escape? I guess Zeusie was looking fur some more adventure and Isis was just going along fur the ride.

Eric and Flynn said...

If yoo want to come ofurr an stay wiv us furr a few days we will show yoo the big outdoors, an yoo can eat all the grass yoo want, an catch live fev-vers an mousies. We don't haf menny cars neer us so yoo will be safe, an our mum walks rownd the feelds wiv us (at a ree-speck-tubble diss-tuns)to make shore the vishus deer don't get too close.