Dear Finnegan J. Katz, Esq.,
I received your confidential, private, and secretive letter notifying me that you wish to help me by being my legal counsel. Having never had legals or counsels, I am going to follow your lead on this one. If it will help me get my evil and horrible brother, Zeus, off of my back then I would be very grateful for your help. (He hasn't stopped calling me psychotic, neurotic, and insane since our huge spat at the water bowl!) If you clear my name in regard to the carnage in the garage and the spare bedroom, that would be a bonus.
Thank you in advance,
P.S. I am not insane.
P.S.S. Ok, maybe I have moments, but it's not all the time.
P.S.S.S. I take that back. I'm just moody, not insane.
P.S.S.S.S. Don't you judge me! Don't you dare judge me!