I have reviewed over some observational notes concerning your behavior, and I believe that you are perhaps the best feline to assist me in a peculiar situation which has arisen at my house. I normally do not seek outside assistance for my problems due to the fact that one never quite knows what such assistance will entail nor if the feline offering said outside assistance can be trusted, but the events I have witnessed are too mysterious for even me to ignore.
Let me start with the following example: After fifty swats at the pet door leading to the garage so I could do my feline business, I noticed that several of the cardboard boxes had been destructively torn limb from limb! I was shocked and appalled by the sheer atrocity of the scene! It frightened me so much that I do believe (and I admit this only to prove my point despite my inner shame) I piddled right there on the garage floor, and I was but a few paw-prints from the litter box.
However that was not all. When I came back inside, I went to the guest bedroom of my house, and to my horror, I saw the rabidly gouged and hollow hole in the box-spring of the beautiful bed. My mind raced as I realized quickly that there must be some monster that lives under this bed which has a strong affinity for cardboard boxes as its primary source for daily caloric intake. I believe I shook all over in such a trembling fit of terror that I was unable to have my afternoon nap in that room.
Please, Brach, you must help me in this mystery. Just make sure that when you do help, you are completely vaccinated, bring your own pairs of rubber gloves, and use universal safety precautions. After all, if it is wet, warm, and not your's, you shouldn't touch it. That's just a good tip for overall peace of mind.