Monday, April 13, 2009

A Zeusline Investigation: Bow-wow vs. Meow

The human pet took the raggedy one to Dr. Rodriguez's office on Saturday morning. Apparently, she needed to have him examined within one week of purchase in order for everything to be "valid". The pet may have been nervous, but clearly, she had nothing to fear. When they got to the hospital, he was treated like a rockstar by every staff member!

"Oh my goodness, Ares, you're so precious!"

"Ares! Oh baby! You cute little thing you! Oh, I bet your mama loves you very much!"

"Kathy, take Ares back so everyone can see how beautiful this baby boy is! You'll love our staff, Ares!"

Was there a reason they talked to him directly? It's not like he understood what was happening. He doesn't even know his own name! And what's with the motherese when they spoke to the puppy? The goo-goo gah-gah, smacking of the lips, and blowing bubbles in his face was slightly concerning. I was half expecting a pacifier to come out and adoringly slapped into his gummy little mouth.

To the ladies at Dr. Rodriguez's office, I hate to break it to you, but Ares is a canine - not a human baby.

Dr. Rodriguez was not working this past Saturday, but she made a special trip to visit the vermin. She has never done that for me. In fact, no one has ever given me that kind of reception when I come through the door. It's mostly speaking of me in third person as if I'm too dumb to understand, accompanied by assorted 'pet names' that I personally find insulting.

"Is that Mr. Kitty? He's so big!"

"Do we have Mr. Zeus in there? I'll check him in for you, Ms. Sabatini."

"Is Mr. Snookums feeling alright? Do you think Mr. Snookums would like some belly rubs?"

Note to homo sapiens everywhere: Putting Mr. in front of something doesn't make it alright. I think we can all agree that if I called you Mr. Fat-in-the-Rear, Mr. I'm-Too-Lazy-To-Even-Reach-For-The-Remote, or Mr. Good-For-Nothing-Freeloader, you'd find it pretty annoying and irritating. Guess what? We felines do too!

I would like to be spoken to directly the next time I go to see Dr. Rodriguez. I normally wouldn't stoop to this level, but in an effort to seek equal feline rights, I plan on doing what I call a "Dateline Trap". Most people are familiar with Dateline NBC and how they hold undercover sting investigations to reveal the truth. Well, this is no different.

I'm going undercover all right:

When I reveal the truth of this to the masses, they will have no choice but to change their biased, felinism ways. Just as human females fought for the right to vote, minorities fought to earn better jobs and pay, and people everywhere fought for the television series, Firefly, to have its own movie (Serenity), I too will fight for my right to be addressed directly and not in third person.


Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

You know, we never noticed that third person thing before, and Teri said she will pay more attention to how she addresses the cats that come in to the cat hospital where she works. She says she will apologize to every kitty she's ever spoken to you like that, if she can remember all of them.

And yeah, Teri uses that Mr thing with us, we are wise to her and pretend we aren't listening when she speaks to us that way1

Parker said...

Right On! Power to the felines!

Tuck said...

Hmmm, interesting observation there Zeus. My humans call me Mr. Tuck sometimes. It doesn't bother me too much. I'm more insulted when they call me Stinky.

The Meezers said...

it is annoying when they talk like we're not there.
hee hee - our werd verification is creepers

Cory said...

Whoa, you are SO right...Grete gets addressed as "Grete"...not "doggie", etc. and we get called "kitty", and other such nonsense. We will stand up for our rights! There will be a revolution!

The Island Cats said...

Zeus! You gotta stop this human behavior! All of us cats are relying on you!

(pee ess. mom NEVER calls me Mr. cuz my name before I came to live here was Mister and mom doesn't want me to remember the bad times in the shelter...)


The Creek Cats said...

Zeus, we stand behind you 100%!

Pink Chihuahua Princess said...

Uh, Zeus. We hate to break it to you, but we ARE human babies. In fact, mom calls us the DSH's (pronounces dishes) and stands for Dog Shaped Humans.

Cheysuli and gemini said...

You know that is just not fair. So many vets just don't think of cats as equal but they offer that to dogs. That's why we only visit a cat only vet...

Shaggy, Scooby and Scout said...

Way to go Zeus!!!

Angel said...

YOu can lead the movement!

Shilgiah the Cat said...

You are absolutely right! Felines are ten times as intelligent as canines and should be given the superior rights we deserve. And furthermore, people should not be allowed to put stupid bunny ears on their cats!

Max said...

My stabby people are so afraid of me that they CAN'T talk to me. They just cower in the corner and ask the People questions. Maybe your stabby people are afraid of you? IF they are, GOOD JOB!

The Crew said...

You tell 'em, Zeus. Cat Power, Cat Power, Cat Power!!!

PinkynAsh said...

Our vet is pretty nice to us, but the staff there doesn't talk to us directly. You make a good point, and it was your doctor first!

Zeus said...

Teri and Cats of Furrydance: I'm pretty sure no one does these things deliberately. I just found it amusing to say the least.

Parker, The Creek Cats, SSS, Angel, The Crew: Thank you for the support!

Tuck: You're a better cat than I am. ;)

Meezers: I know which is why I think this sting operation will be absolutely fabulous in revealing the truth!

Cory: Viva la revolucion!

Island Cats: No pressure though, right? ;)

Pink Chihuahua Princess: Oh sheesh! Does that make me a CSH, pronounced as CASH? :)

Cheysuli and Gemini: Yes, I've noticed that. I was told that this animal hospital is partial to dogs so I was not surprised by this finding.

Shilgiah: If my human pet tried to put bunny ears on me, I would more than likely destroy them in protest.

Max: They would indeed be wise to be afraid of me. I've been known to unleash some whoop ass!

Pinky and Ash: No kidding! If I was first, why do I not get the proper respect I deserve? Maybe they do not value my business. I'll show them!

Eric and Flynn said...

Way to go Zeus! We are behind you all the way.

Derby said...

Hasn't she sent that thing back? Oh Virginer says hi back to Blackie. How is he doing?

Fin said...

Sounds like somecat is Mr Crabby-pants... I know I couldn't resist. I agree on all points!!

Lorenza said...

Hi, Zeus!
Fight for your right! I support you!
Kisses and hugs

Ailurophile said...

Zeus you are a sleek sleuth. Love your blog!!

Tigersan said...

Mr. Zeus puts the smack down :).... whatever that means :/


Lois Lane/Laney said...

BOL! You crack me up, Zeus! Do I think dogs get special treatment? I don't know. But puppies certainly do.

I is Jake said...

Ares DOOD, get use to dat. I still get talked to dat way when I go to the v-e-t and I's a mandog of 1 year! It makes me feel wicked special AND dood, do they give yoo treats after all that?? Dats the bestest part!


::springs in my feet::
::springs in my feet::

I is Jake!