Thirteen Reasons To Ship The Human Pet Off To Las Vegas
1. She's lost too much weight, and Vegas has the biggest and best buffets in the world!
2. Cirque du Soleil is now accepting applications for freaks. She's a shoe-in!
3. Four days of absolute calm with no obligations to demonstrate affection.
4. Perhaps Criss Angel can make her disappear...permanently.
5. The Roller Coaster at New York-New York might jostle some sense into her.
6. Maybe while she's there, she can get hooked up with a phat new ride from the King of Cars.
7. It's all together possible that she can teach Rob Mariano how to play poker properly.
8. Because maybe Mr. Las Vegas, Wayne Newton, needs a Mrs. Las Vegas.
9. I asked her to bring me home a bunny from The Bunny Ranch.
10. It's like sending her to Paris, but not quite.
11. I wanted her to meet my friends at MGM Grand's Lion Habitat.
12. My human pet thought Houston was bleeping hot. This will definitely learn her!
13. The real reason: To celebrate her parents' 50th birthdays as well as their 30th wedding anniversary! Congratulations to my pseudo-grandparents!