Sunday, July 01, 2007

Smells like teen spirit...time to clean the litter

Some of my feline friends have recently complained to me that they cannot understand their teenage human pets. In an effort to build a bridge for effective communication, I have translated some of the more common sayings and phrases for you to utilize. Remember: These are but loose interpretations. As always, it is dependent on the situation.

Teen Pet: "So yo, I was wit dis bitty 'n' mackin' hard on her."

Translation: "Last night, I was with the most wonderful woman in the world, and I could not help but fawn all over her in the most romantic way."

Teen Pet: "She was trippin' all over me, 'n' I grabbed that jack out da hoe's hand."

Translation: "My lady friend didn't want to go to the movies with me, and she felt compelled to ask me to go to the local coffeeshoppe. However, I felt it was more important to go to the movies since it was our only chance to see The Notebook. After all, we get the student discount, and I didn't want to waste that."

Teen Pet: "Dawg, that shit is the shit."

Translation: "My dear friend, that new backpack is by far one of the best ones I have seen in a long time. You can tell that the handiwork is first-class!"

Teen Pet: "I tagged that hoe and walked out tha do'."

Translation: "With the moon shining up above, we made love as was commanded by our young hearts. We held one another into the wee hours of the morning, and as the sun peeked through the window, I knew it was time to gather my things and walk out the door, leaving her with a gentle kiss."

Teen Pet: "We's about to get crunk up in dis here joint!"

Translation: "You're invited to a social gathering at my house where we will eat sugar cookies and sip homemade lemonade. Perhaps we might even have a round or two of Monopoly! Please make sure to RSVP by Friday evening."

Teen Pet: "Don't make me bust a cap in yo' ass, son."

Translation: "I'm feeling as though we're not truly communicating, and it frustrates me. My anger is all consuming, and I think it's best if I just walk away now before I do something that we shall both regret."


Anonymous said...


since most of this has happened to me, id say it was off tha chainss

DaisyMae Maus said...

Zeus ... What are you doing at 8:00 AM Pacific Time on Monday, July 16, 2007? Mom would like for you to be present on the first day of the new school year so that you might translate for her. Her understanding of the teenage vernacular is limited at best and she finds the lags in understanding to be detrimental. Might you find time to "gif da beeyotch da straight 411"?

Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

Oh wow...I would never have understood all of those! Thanks for explaining how sweet and innocent our teenagers really are.


The Meezers said...

wow, we is glad we does not haf teen beans here. we would get a headache

Bone said...

LOL Wow, I feel really well-equipped to communicate with the younger generation now.

Thanks for the laugh, er, information, Zeus.