Recovering carbonated kitty water-oholic

Dear Zeus,

Ok so actually, we has like a squillion questions for you - but this one is weighing heavily on our mind - Has Blackie gotten help for his carbonated kitty water problem? If so, what step in the process is he on?

Sammy and Miles Meezer

Hello Sammy and Miles!

Zeus informed me of your question, and I am proud to say the following:

Hello. My name is Blackie, and I am a recovering carbonated kitty water-oholic.

It has taken me some time to get to where I am now. I had to first admit that I had a problem. This was not easy for me, but I think my wake-up call came on that fateful morning when I found myself in bed beside Mom. Talk about awkward moments! She opened a groggy eye and screamed when she saw me laying there. The next few moments after that are a bit hazy, but if I remember correctly, I was thrown clear across the room while shouts of, "How the hell did you get in here?" rang out throughout the house.

I moved quickly into step two of the process: Being willing to seek help from someone outside of my situation. At first, I was a bit unsure of who to ask. I consulted with various online sources, watched several episodes of A&E's Intervention, and I even attempted to speak with Mom about placing a lock on the refrigerator. (That last one didn't really go over well as I don't think she even knew I was speaking to her.) Nonetheless, I realized quickly I had only one feline to turn to in my time of need, and it was this awakening that propelled me into step three: asking for help.

I had asked Zeus if he would aid me in my battle against the seductive forces of the carbonated kitty water, and help me he did as only a true friend could. His brilliant plan of making me consume thirty cans of Keystone Light in one sitting did the trick. There's nothing quite more revolting than "worshiping the porcelain god" (Zeus taught me that line!) and watching yourself degenerate into a worthless pile of ceramic.

Currently, I am on step four: attempting to take inventory of myself with more honesty and clarity. I am working on discovering the source of my addiction and figuring out my strengths and weaknesses. Though I have not come to any tremendous breakthrough in this regard, I feel it is only a matter of time before I do so. Please keep me in your prayers as I need all the help I can get.

Sincerely,

BLACKIE

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