Dear felines and human pets,
Heed this warning:
Don't f*** with the homo sapien known as Tim Kruise.
(I'd write his real name, but I am fearful of the repercussions!).
(And if you don't know what to fill in for the *'s up above, simply use the word 'mess'!)
This cat has Hollywood, and everyone around him for that matter, under his mighty thumb. The latest scandal involved two men attempting to extort one million dollars from Kruise for his wedding photos. Apparently, Kruise has connections to the FBI since reports say he contacted them to discover who was behind this conspiracy.
Connections to the FBI?
Am I the only feline who finds that almost absurd?
I wonder how the conversation went...
Kruise: "Yes, I need to speak to one of your agents immediately!"
FBI Operator: "Hello, and thank you for calling the Federal Bureau of Investigations. Due to high call volume, your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Please stay on the line, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly. Thank you."
Kruise: "Screw that! I'm Tim Kruise! I get what I want when I want it!"
FBI Operator: "...Unless your name is Tim Kruise, in which case, please enter the secret Kruise code to overwrite this message."
Kruise: "Let's see...that would be M-I-4...so 6-4-4..."
FBI Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Kruise. We are now directing you to Thom Mrozek's office."
I wish I had a private line to the FBI for when litter hit the fan. It must be nice to not have to wait for justice: Having to navigate the long trails of paperwork, jumping across red tape and through hoops just to have someone pay attention to your pleas. It must also be hugely comforting to the American public that while murderers, rapists, and child molesters run free, the FBI is hard at work on this case.
I know that makes me feel better sleeping at night!