Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Kruise kontrol

Dear felines and human pets,

Heed this warning:

Don't f*** with the homo sapien known as Tim Kruise.

(I'd write his real name, but I am fearful of the repercussions!).

(And if you don't know what to fill in for the *'s up above, simply use the word 'mess'!)

This cat has Hollywood, and everyone around him for that matter, under his mighty thumb. The latest scandal involved two men attempting to extort one million dollars from Kruise for his wedding photos. Apparently, Kruise has connections to the FBI since reports say he contacted them to discover who was behind this conspiracy.

Connections to the FBI?

Am I the only feline who finds that almost absurd?

I wonder how the conversation went...

Kruise: "Yes, I need to speak to one of your agents immediately!"

FBI Operator: "Hello, and thank you for calling the Federal Bureau of Investigations. Due to high call volume, your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Please stay on the line, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly. Thank you."

Kruise: "Screw that! I'm Tim Kruise! I get what I want when I want it!"

FBI Operator: "...Unless your name is Tim Kruise, in which case, please enter the secret Kruise code to overwrite this message."

Kruise: "Let's see...that would be M-I-4...so 6-4-4..."

FBI Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Kruise. We are now directing you to Thom Mrozek's office."

I wish I had a private line to the FBI for when litter hit the fan. It must be nice to not have to wait for justice: Having to navigate the long trails of paperwork, jumping across red tape and through hoops just to have someone pay attention to your pleas. It must also be hugely comforting to the American public that while murderers, rapists, and child molesters run free, the FBI is hard at work on this case.

I know that makes me feel better sleeping at night!


Sparky Duck said...

now thats certainly homo land security

The Meezers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Meezers said...

oh crappity crap crap crap, we made a monumental typo! here's the right comment:

mommy is now deeply ashamed that she was in fact, born in the same hospital as Mr Kruise and did in fact meet him in the nursery. She is now going to change her birthdate so that it appears that they never knew each other.

Bone said...

Oh crap! I missed a blogathon??!


Will there be a replay, or DVD?

caspersmom said...

Mom never pays attention to this Tim person. If he comes on the news she says she has to either go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. Why, I don't know, she always has a bottle of water with her. Oh yes, Mom also says he's to damned arrogant, whatever that means. Hey take care Zeus.


Ayatollah Mugsy said...

I am appalled that I have not been offered a private line to the FBI. I am, after all, taller than Mr. Kruise.

Radioactive Jam said...

I thought Tim Kruise was like, everybody's hero.

Yes I *have* been living under a rock for several years, why?

Hot(M)BC said...

maybe those aliens haf taken him over all the way.

Cosmo said...

At least Oprah Winfrey cares about the little people and their kitties. She had all about scam and stuff on her show (and my ma watched it twice now as it was a rerun).

Cosmo said...

And what's a few million to this Tomkat guy anyway-his fancy smanchy wedding was like 1.5-2 million!

Pablo said...

I think that Tim guy tried to take over Australia once. Some guy called Keith ran him outta town though.