Dear Purina One,
I know that it is hard for us to be together, my love, but do not fear: I will have you again. Yes, the human pet keeps you locked behind the pantry door at night, but your smell lingers through the kitchen, caressing me in its tender, chicken goodness. Oh, you delightful, wicked tease! Do you hear my tappings on the door? Do you see me rolling on my back for you, trying to but touch your blue bagginess of bliss? I'm practically a rabid animal over you!
My human pet can't keep us apart forever.
I love you,