I am proud to say I have figured out another fabulous homo sapien idiom. I actually had the marvelous opportunity to witness first hand why this quaint piece of figurative language had earned its delightful connotation. I don't think many people could make such a claim.
Such was my epiphany, that I heard Elton John singing in my head, only his infamous tune sounded more like, "That's why they call it the runs."
At around seven o' clock last evening, my human pet decided it was time to educate me in the ways of the runs. Apparently, when a homo sapien has the runs, she grabs her midsection and lets out beleaguered cries of agony, similar to when we cry for food. She rolls on the couch to and fro, almost like when we felines decide to roll from side to side on our backs along the floor.
But this is not what gives the term its name.
You must then run back and forth (And by back and forth, I mean between living room to bathroom or bedroom to bathroom or den to bathroom. Other combinations are possible, but it is dependent on the degree of runs one has versus the distance between the two points. One can calculate the degree of runniness with the following equation: 2x / y where x represents the amount of food you have eaten divided by y or the amount of medication you have attempted to take. You can then divide your answer by the distance between the two points to figure out the percentage of likelihood that you will make it to the bathroom in time.) from the couch to bathroom wailing profusely and muttering repeatedly, "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God."
When finished with your mystery business in the bathroom, you then crawl back to your couch, gripping your midsection tighter. Wait fifteen minutes. Rinse and repeat.
That's all there is to it apparently.
Now if only all that running accomplished something...