Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Idioms in action

I am proud to say I have figured out another fabulous homo sapien idiom. I actually had the marvelous opportunity to witness first hand why this quaint piece of figurative language had earned its delightful connotation. I don't think many people could make such a claim.

Such was my epiphany, that I heard Elton John singing in my head, only his infamous tune sounded more like, "That's why they call it the runs."

At around seven o' clock last evening, my human pet decided it was time to educate me in the ways of the runs. Apparently, when a homo sapien has the runs, she grabs her midsection and lets out beleaguered cries of agony, similar to when we cry for food. She rolls on the couch to and fro, almost like when we felines decide to roll from side to side on our backs along the floor.

But this is not what gives the term its name.

You must then run back and forth (And by back and forth, I mean between living room to bathroom or bedroom to bathroom or den to bathroom. Other combinations are possible, but it is dependent on the degree of runs one has versus the distance between the two points. One can calculate the degree of runniness with the following equation: 2x / y where x represents the amount of food you have eaten divided by y or the amount of medication you have attempted to take. You can then divide your answer by the distance between the two points to figure out the percentage of likelihood that you will make it to the bathroom in time.) from the couch to bathroom wailing profusely and muttering repeatedly, "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God."

When finished with your mystery business in the bathroom, you then crawl back to your couch, gripping your midsection tighter. Wait fifteen minutes. Rinse and repeat.

That's all there is to it apparently.

Now if only all that running accomplished something...

20 comments:

Parker said...

Rinse and repeat! Zeus, you made my Mommy spit a little coffee on my screen! But I hope your human feels better!

Kimo & Sabi said...

Hmmm...this sounds familiar to da problems that Skeezix has had. Mabe yer mom should should go to his VET fer some medication.

Sparky Duck said...

you um lose weight or something don't you?

Zeus, get to the CVS for imodium

The Meezers said...

HAHAHAHAHA - mommy has coffee coming out her nose. This is a daily okurance in our house.

Zeus, just a note on your broken heart for Kukka - I fink that her marriage to Brach was an arranged marriage.

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

I have run back and forth many times, but I never thought to convey it in algebraic terms. Very astute, Zeus.

Mert said...

You're poor human! I hope she feels better soon... but your telling of the story did have me in stitches. Shhhh, thats' our little secret. ;)

Daphne said...

not the mama had this runs thing recently...
hope your mommy feels better soon and quits running!

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

Oh dear. I think all beans have been there. My mommy says the math just makes it hurt worse....

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Hmmm, yes. I think something WAS accomplished, Zeus, but maybe you haven't become aware of it yet. Last time that happened to my Mom, she lost 4 lb. in 3 days. Maybe your pet will have a similar result?

yao-lin said...

The runs are nasty, hope the human feels better soon.

Caesar + Prinnie said...

Oh my. all that running.
just talking about it makes me woozy.
I need a nappie
~Caesar

Radioactive Jam said...

Your pet deeply appreciates all the sympathy and understanding just oozing from this post.

Yes I could have said "running from" or even "dripping" but I'm above such things.

PrincessMia said...

Oh! Your poor Lady Pet. I hope that she has stopped running.

Gemini said...

When I do that it's fun. However, it doesn't sound like your human was having fun.

Dachsies Rule said...

Your poor human. And you should be ashamed. No sympathy just using her as a case study on idioms. When our mom was exhibiting such behaviour, we made sure we were between the bed and the bathroom. It made it a little more interesting ... for us.

Roxie, Sammy & Andy

Kukka-Maria said...

My Agent does that, but she calls it "involuntary exercise."

Your poor human pet!

kailani said...

Hope Human Pet is feeling better. Maybe you could give her a tummy rub.

Eric and Flynn said...

Hope your human is feeling better now. When ours had the same problem, she would yell at us every time she ran to the bathroom, "Get out the ****** way" when all we were doing was lying in a sun spot. Why couldn't she run around us?

Jake and Bathsheba said...

Our Mom sympathizes with your pet. She's prone to anxiety problems that go straight to her intestinal tract. No fun. Usually "the runs" are only of a short duration, so your pet is probably well by now. At least we hope so.

~J&B

Tiger Lily said...

I hope your Mom feels better now. My Mom has that same problem today. She's helped me read some of my friends' blogs and even comment on some of them but she said she can't think straight enough to help me post. Soon tho I hope.