Friday, December 01, 2006

Memoirs of a Feline Geisha

This morning when I woke up, I found Isis in the powder room. She had jumped onto the counter and was tilting her head side to side while she gazed intently into the mirror. From my position on the floor, I wasn't too sure what she had found. Whatever it was certainly had her attention.

I decided to leap onto the toilet seat to get a better vantage point. I knew that if Isis hadn't turned around by now, then she was completely oblivious to my presence. It gave me a distinct advantage.

What I saw nearly made my jaw hit the toilet:



"What in blue blazes are you doing?" I stammered.

Isis turned to look at me, and it was clear she had been tampering with the human pet's make-up bag.

"The human pet is going to kill you! You don't just stick your face in the powder and lap at the tubes of lipstick! What has gotta into you?" I was really concerned by this point that my sister had gone and lost her mind.

But then she said, "You know, for someone who writes a segment entitled Wooing Females, you sure are sexist. This is how you seduce males!"

"Says who?" I asked.

Isis leaned back and smirked as she said, "I'm sorry, but pardon me? Have I found something that you do not know about? Please let me know so I can write this down on my calendar."

"Bah! Just tell me!" I cried.

"The Mama and I watched Memoirs of a Geisha the other night, and well, that tells you all you need to know concerning the ways of female seduction." Isis appeared rather pleased with herself as she snatched a quick glance at herself in the mirror.

"The ways of female seduction, yes...if you're an onsen geisha or even an oiran. However, if you're just a geisha, you're not seducing anyone, at least not on purpose," I replied.

Isis swirled her head back in my direction. "Did you see the movie?"

"No, I didn't, but,..."

She screamed, "Then you don't know what you're talking about!"

I shrugged and jumped down from the toilet seat. I didn't have to wait long for the human pet to wake up and crawl into the powder room to get ready for her workday. Unfortunately, she had quite the surprise waiting for her. Needless to say, I don't think Isis or the human pet had a very good "Ba-da-da-da-daaaaa, I'm-lovin'-it" morning after that discovery.

25 comments:

Carmen said...

"blue blazes!" that's a southern statement for sure!

Zeus, you and Isis and Marina are invited to the holiday open blog at my place!

katnippia said...

We hopez isis doesn't gets into to much troublez. It sounds like a lot of funz to play dress up.-Snowy, Sia, and Pounce

Kukka-Maria said...

Isis looks...ahem...lovely. I just think it's important she know that, even with her geisha makeup, she isn't going to get more tomcats than me.

I'm just so incredibly super-sexy, is all...

The Meezers said...

oh my goodness - Isis, you are STUNNING. and i mean that in a good way (I think) - Sammy

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Isis, when enhancing our feminine beauty we should use a light touch to appear youthful & beautiful. I think you're using a heavy paw, dear.

Wait there while I get Dad's spackle knife and I'll scrape off some of that stuff for you, then we can start over.

Love,
Tipper

Gemini said...

It's a different look..

DEBRA said...

Well Zeus

I fink yu did the wise fing and leave Isis to being a Geisha.

Abby

Colleen Gleason said...

Ha ha!!! I'm glad to know you weren't blamed for the makeup mess, Zeus.

Tell you Mama I loved the book Memoirs of a Geisha...but haven't yet seen the movie.

Anonymous said...

Well, Isis.....that is very lovely, but may I suggest some more practice with the make-up?

local girl said...

Baby Bug's middle name is after the main character in that book. Hmmm . . . maybe I didn't think it through enough!

And for you Christmas gift, how about this?

Zeus said...

Oh, you shouldn't have, Kailani! I can't believe how you have spoiled me. You must truly love me! I'm so blessed to have you in my life!

Domestic Goddess said...

Good look!

I am here from Carmen's party leaving you a little gifty of Cat Nip. Party on girl!

Carmen said...

I forgot to leave you my virutal present earlier. :)

Kukka got something similar earlier, and I know you'll compare notes with her when you talk to her next ;) so here's a similar gift that I know you'll find as funny as me!

http://www.gifts.com/search/product/Pooping-Reindeer-Candy-Dispensers-Herd-of-4?ideaID=5496&prodID=101617

And I enjoyed your caroling very much, even if you weren't wearing tassles.

Zeus said...

Ok....THAT was funny, Carmen! I just might have to look into getting that for some people on my list. Too hilarious!

Cheysuli said...

Hey Zeus! Happy Holidays! Great singing over there at Carmen's.

here's my virtual gift to you:

http://www.cupojoes.com/cgi-bin/spgm?dpt=H&srch=NA&item=cus18cchu

IndyPindy said...

Oh my! That sure is a scary picture! Tell Isis that my mom says when it comes to makeup, less is more!

Zeus said...

Wow, Cheysuli! What a fantastic gift! I never tried cigars before, but since it's the holidays, I might as well partake a little of life's more sinful pleasures, yes? :) Thank you so much!

Anonymous said...

Oh, wowie!! What a lot of makeup!

Ariel said...

Zeus this reminds me of the time the little niece thingy got into mom's makeup bag...lol

Renee said...

Hi Zeus! Here from Carmen's party...where I left you a tip about your Tuna salad.

Instead of wasting time chopping up pickles...I keep a jar of dill pickle relish on hand and put a spoon or two of that in my Tuna & Chicken salad. I like mine on toasted crusty bread. yummy.

Hummm... a gift for you? Perhaps you might enjoy some birds?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_HurUeATaM

Oh and Isis looks very lovely in her makeup. hee hee

Anonymous said...

Isis ... Your "geisha" look is a bit harsh. I agree with George, Tipper, Max & Misty: The key to enhancing your feminine wiles is a "light touch" ... I find a little Lip Smacker and a little catnip rubbed behind my ears tends to send the Feline Americans into a tizzy.
DaisyMae Maus

Luna said...

Lovely!!
What do you wish for xmas?
=^.^=

Beau Beau & Angie said...

Our Mom read the book but didn't see the movie yet. I don't think Isis would want to be a geisha. It's a lot of work.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Are you sure that was Isis under that makeup?

one of us said...

You have the geisha look down purrfect Isis ~Merlin, SHadow, Ko ko