Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Questions

Dear Zeus,

I received your letter today when I came home from work, and needless to say, I was a bit surprised. I never knew you had this desire to travel. I suppose the few times you had managed to get outside convinced me you were not the outdoor type. I do have a few questions for you, though, before I give you my blessing.

1. Where are you getting the money for this expedition? It's not like you have a job. Have you been going through my purse when I am not looking? I did notice my credit cards were missing. Are you responsible?

2. How do you plan on going to the bathroom while you're gone? I don't think many other people are going to be willing to scoop your poop. I don't even think people would be willing to give you litter. Have you been training in the bathroom as to how to use a proper toilet?

3. Where do you plan on going? Last time I checked, there were regulations for flying, and I have never known you to enjoy being cooped up in a carrier for long. Are you going to be using the carrier for travel? Who's going to be carting you from place to place? Without a car, this trek could take some serious time, and you've never been one for walking.

4. Are you packing for this? I can't imagine you would be. If you are, you're not taking my luggage for this.

5. Why this sudden urge to travel? Are you not happy here? I can put on the Travel Channel more if you want. I know we only watch that channel for Most Haunted, but certainly, I can put it on when I leave in the morning if you want to explore other places.

6. Do you plan on supplying yourself with your own flea and heartworm treatments? I'm not going to be there to give it to you. I don't even think you can open the caps since you don't have opposable thumbs. I'm sorry, but I'm just keeping it real.

None of the other cats you speak to do this sort of thing. None of them go traveling, and last time I checked, none of them give their owners heartattacks like this. This is worrisome. If you even want a small chance of me saying yes, please answer soon.

On a side note, why do we even have to write letters to one another when we live in the SAME house? Mysteries of life, I suppose...

Love always,

Marina, aka YOUR OWNER and YOUR MOM

P.S. So help me, one of these days, you'll realize that I'm not your pet!

10 comments:

Patches & Mittens said...

To Your Mom, Zeus:
This is most upsetting. Now Patches has it in her head she wants to join Zeus!!! She is up in the cat tree right now pouting, because, first I said NO, then I started to cry, thinking she would want to leave me. They just have no idea.

Toni, The Mom

Butterscotch said...

Your mom has a good point. hmm Maybe insted of traveling everywhere you can have everyone send you a postcard from where they live and you can read up on the area. Traveling does sound nice but it can be long. And i like my warm bed,

the letter b said...

Zeus: your mum has a point. alternatively, she could provide you an atlas [online's best], choose a random city/town/country/islet [eg: singapore] and then you could enjoy the sights. all from the comfort of your home :D

or like what butterscotch said, i could always mail you a postcard :)

DEBRA said...

Zeus

Just use your teleportin' powers to visit all the poodins that cat blog! That will take you around the world! And you'll still be able to sleep in your own bed at night and make your Momma happy.

*ABBY

Oreo said...

Humans try to spoil all the fun! And WHAT does she mean she's not your pet? Is she crazy?

The Meezers said...

Zeus, We will join you and Patches - maybe we can get a group rate! We gives our Momma heartattacks all the time, so your momma is not alone.

Maggie & Molly said...

Dear Zeus
I think your mama is right. Traveling alone could be dangerous. I like the idea of what butterscotch said. Post cards would be much better. Matter of fact My mama said she can buy one today if your mama would email her your address. I like the idea myself. Mama said she had read around on some of the human blogs where they are sending each other post cards. Why can't kitty cats get post cards too..What do you say huh? Can we go shopping for post cards? Can we huh...please?

Kukka-Maria said...

I'm not sure if this "Marina" character has ever read about my adventures, but I am certainly well-traveled. While I am not allowed in my own back yard, I have walked red carpets (in Hollywood and NYC, thankyouverymuch) and even vacationed with GW Bush last summer!

I think you ought to mention that, as well as the fact that you, Zeus, are a leader, not a follower!

=^..^= said...

I feel you shud juz teleport to wherever it is that you want to go. Kukka-Maria is absolutely right. You are a leader! NOT a follower.

What your Mommy brought up are juz minor problems that can easily be sorted out... like if Isis followed you and did all the serving and cleaning up for you.

~Bombay

Victor Tabbycat said...

Well, she didn't say no...
At my boy's school, they send a Bucky Badger (toy) to family all ofur the country an the family beans send back pictors of him wherefur he goes. They also sends little soo-ven-ears for the kids at school. That Bucky really gets around!