Dear human pet,
Those are a lot of questions, and I hope I can answer all of them by giving you more information than I had initially. You see, Mr. Kimmel Gnome happened to have Phil Keoghan's contact information (Apparently, the two of them have become close thanks to their work on The Amazing Race.), and I have been communicating with him through e-mails and telephone conversations.
When Phil and I first spoke to one another, he seemed very excited about my plans. He said that CBS chooses contestants for his show by looking at whether or not they are physically fit, able to read and understand maps, and if they have any extensive travel experience. He said less is usually better because it adds to the drama of the show since most viewers tune in to find out how those people fair in the elements of the journey. He also stated that because I was inexperienced, I would be a purrfect candidate for their show, but I would need a partner because on the show, the teams are made up of two homo sapiens. I've spoken to Isis, and she said she would come along with me, but The Meezers, The Calico Girls, and even The Crew said they would come with me.
If I were a contestant on The Amazing Race, I would be given airfare, hotel accomodations, and the producers said I would have my flea and heartworm medications provided. They also said not to worry about the litter box as that is but a minor expense. Phil said they have gophers working for them who can handle my bathroom needs and give me my treatments. I thought that was most excellent that they employed other mammals in their work! Clearly, Phil and his crew are not specieists!
But here is the best part: Phil said that because I was such a unique contestant compared to those of previous seasons, the producers thought it would be even better just to highlight my journey! They don't want me to race against other homo sapiens, but rather, they just want to record my travels as part of a new reality series entitled, The Amazing Zeus. Tell me that is not just fantastic?!
So basically, I get everything provided for, and all the producers require is that I blog just like Phil does. Phil and I don't think that should be a problem since I do that anyhow. He said it took him some getting used to, but with all of my blogging experience under my proverbial belt, I am going to be alright.
I also have been in touch with Uchenna and Joyce of The Amazing Race: Season 7. They live right here in Houston, and since they actually won the million dollar prize, I thought they could give me some pointers. Uchenna is a really nice man, and he told me that his best tip was to not overeat and make sure I drink lots of water. Joyce, on the other hand, told me to be careful of Fast Forwards as I might end up shaving my fur off. Phil told me that I wouldn't have to do any of the Detours, Road Blocks, or Fast Forwards since it wasn't really a race so that made me feel a little better.
So what do you think, human pet? Isn't this just the most fabulous and outrageous thing you have ever heard? It's the opportunity of a lifetime, and I think I would be silly not to pursue it.