Dear human pet,
This morning when you got out of bed, you walked over to turn on the light, and you screamed to the high heavens when you saw the present that I had left for you. I don't understand why you were so frightened. I hadn't meant for it to scare you. I thought you would like it!
I had worked very hard to slay that big, fat, wood cockroach, and I was so proud of myself for keeping you safe while you slept. I thought for sure that you, of all people, would have appreciated my efforts. Considering all of the misunderstandings we have had these past few days, I wanted to put all of that behind us so we could start off fresh, but you didn't even like the present!
Then when you went to take a shower, you crawled the walls to get out of your bedroom so you wouldn't even have to come near the present. I followed you to the bathroom, and I sat outside, hoping that when you came out, you might acknowledge me with a thank you or something of that nature. I thought perhaps you might have missed the present so I went to the bedroom and brought it over to you again. I left it right by the door to the bathroom so you would have to step on it in order to get out.
You screamed again though and jumped over it! I thought maybe it was alive again so I pawed it down in the hallway. It was dead, though, and I didn't understand what all the fuss was about. Were you not happy that I even tried to keep this house clean of infestation? What must a feline do to bring a smile to your face?
I just wish you would have liked my present.