Friday, April 14, 2006

Just say no!

Dearest feline friends and upright humans,

A tremendous epidemic is upon us, precious felines, and the battle is coming to your own front door. I am speaking of catnip: a powerful, aphrodisiac that limits both cognitive and physical abilities. It makes the user completely euphoric, and in some kitties, under the control of crazed impulses.

It has been common knowledge that upright humans have contributed a large part to this growing problem. Big businesses such as Bluegrass BuddyCorp., Kooky Kat Catnip Company, and Plain Brown Tabby promise to "make all your kitty's wishes come true" through the delectable aromatic flavor of catnip. Our innocent upright human pets then go to the store, believing this circle of lies and purchase toys laced with the drug, pillows with the spice, and even whole containers of pure catnip. Our pets bring it home to us, and we become at the mercy of this substance.

Recently while browsing through some weblogs, I came across a disturbing tale of feline addiction. Not only are the upright humans distributing the plant, but they are also growing a fresh supply for future transactions! This further proves, feline friends, that you never truly know what is happening in your neighbor's backyard.

Another weblog I found actually focuses on displaying feline addicts in the act of consumption and the terrifying antics that follow. Catnip Anonymous just posted today the aftermath of a catnip rave, and I highly recommend you fellow feline parents have a look. Your innocent kitten could right now be participating in an event like this, and you might not know.

Every minute in America, a new kitten is introduced to catnip and falls under its forcible influence. Don't let your kittens fall prey to this! Tell them to just say no! Stick your tail in the air and turn your backside to your upright human pet!

Only you can prevent future addicts, my feline friends.


1 comment:

Kukka-Maria said...

My name is Kukka M. and I am (told I am) a nipaholic.

But you probably shouldn't believe everything you read...