Friday, April 28, 2006

Interview with Azrael

I was fortunate enough to land an interview with one of the most famous television cats in history. I'm speaking of none other than the vivacious, cunning, and extremely misunderstood Azrael! Azrael was the star in the cartoon series The Smurfs. He played the feline henchman of Gargomel, and many viewers, both feline and homo sapien alike, remember him well for his mischievious antics!

Azrael was kind enough to do a telephone interview with me. I have typed out the transcript verbatim:

Zeus: I just wanted to say thank you for speaking with me today, Azrael. This is a real honor!

Azrael: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been quite a long time since anyone cared to do an interview with me so I'm hoping this can jumpstart my career.

Zeus: So does this mean you have something in the works?

Azrael: Do you know anything about cars?

Zeus: A little.

Azrael: When the car needs a jumpstart, it's dead so I suppose the answer to your question is no.

Zeus: Oh...I'm sorry. Umm...

Azrael: Do you have any more questions?

Zeus: Well, yes. I was wondering what it was like to work with the homo sapien, Gargomel?

Azrael: Well, for one, his one tooth was disgusting. I couldn't understand anything he said to me. We actually had to have someone come in and do a voiceover for him because he had the look, but well, he just couldn't talk fluently.

Zeus: Amazing! I never knew that!

Azrael: Yes, it was just a shame. Talented man, but no teeth. It happens to the best of us.

Zeus: Have you seen this report written by J Marc Schmidt entitled Socio-political Themes in the Smurfs by chance?

Azrael: I can't say that I have.

Zeus: In it, you are described as being the representation of the worker in a ruthless free-market state. Basically, that through your character, you demonstrated exploitation and oppression of the proletariat. Any thoughts on this?

Azrael: Yeah. I can definitely say I was exploited. I didn't make near as much as Papa Smurf, and I don't care what anyone says: That man was NOT sexy. I had way more sex-appeal than him.

Zeus: Umm...

Azrael: And as for being oppressed? Well, that's no shocker. Half the time the producers insisted on giving me a carrier for a dressing room instead of a trailer like everyone else. The Smurfs and Gargomel got catering while I was left with a bowl of Meow Mix. Whatta crock!

Zeus: Well, that isn't exactly -

Azrael: And all of those Smurfs were against me from the beginning. They didn't like it that Smurfette and I were becoming close, and it was Hefty Smurf that turned her against me. Oh how I hate that blithering idiot! He's such a -

Zeus: Ok, well, I think that's it! I really appreciate you talking to me for my weblog.

Azrael: Yeah, yeah. What's your name again?

Zeus: Zeus.

Azrael: Talk to you later, Moose. Oh, and Moose?

Zeus: It's Zeus.

Azrael: Yeah, whatever. Listen: Give my number to that Kukka-Maria chick, would you? She's so hot.

Zeus: Umm...

Azrael: Peace.


Anonymous said...


Man, that was so funny! Way to maintain your composure with a difficult interview subject. Did you pass Azrael's number along to Kukka?

Kukka-Maria said...

Great interview, Zeus! You uncovered the answer to the age-old question: Did Gargomel's inferior dental situation affect his speech patterns? Question asked...question answered! :)

While Azrael could be considered attractive in the traditional, animated sense, I am not he's my type. He was very sarcastic and difficult throughout the interview and, as we all know, there is room for only one spoiled brat in a relationship...and I have that covered.

Having said that, I will still take his number. A feline empress' little black book can never be too full!

Cruxley said...

Great interview. Maybe he was cranky because you're getting to be a bigger celebrity nowadays than he is. He's getting a little long in the tooth. I wonder what he's had done. He looks a lot better than Kenny Rogers.

Beau Beau & Angie said...

AWESOME! You really held your own. You're one heck of an interviewer. Kukka's way above him to even consider him (eifen tho she tooked his no.).

The Meezers said...

great interview. however, our Mommy ran screaming from the room wif her fingers in her ears going "make it stop!!! la-la lala-la-la, make it STOP!!!! it took 15 years to get that stoopid song out of my brain" when we said "what's a Smurf? she shur is weird.

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

So, uh, how many apples high is Azrael, anyway?

DEBRA said...

Ha ha ha that was good from the Crew!

Great interview Zeus, have you ever considered a career in journalism?

Kukka, Azrael is not even in your statrosphere!