Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Drinking problem

Dear Zeus,

I have a major problem with my human pet, and I am about to lose my mind. She has a fascination with the toilet apparently, and she has recently made me drink from it in order to amuse herself. I have tried finding her playmates, toys, and being extremely kind to her, but I do not know what else to do. Any help would be appreciated as toilet water is not very appealing.

Thank you,

Kansas City, Missouri

P.S. I have sent you a copy of one of her many tapes so you can see for yourself the disgrace I am forced to bear.


Dear Patches,

It is unfortunate that human pets behave in such a manner sometimes. With the invention of the Internet, they have become more than a bit obsessive in showing off every mishap, misfortune, embarassment, and accident that befalls not only themselves, but also their feline friends. I suppose any attention is good attention at times for them.

It should be known, Patches, my dear friend in distress, that I believe in nonviolent forms of protest. You should never bite, scratch, or swat at your human pet as this will not solve anything. My advice to you would be to simply run and hide under the living room couch, bed, or even the LazyBoy. Sink your claws into the frame of the couch or LazyBoy should your human pet become aggressive and seek to thwart your plans. Do not come out until the human pet finds something else to entertain her fancy. Usually, you only need to remain hidden for ten minutes, but it depends on the patience of your human pet.

I hope this helps you! As always, do not lose hope on your human pet! It takes dedication and attentive will to mold them into the perfect companion!


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