Friday, September 25, 2009

Slowly back away from the PMS-ing human pet

Dear Ares,

Look. We know the human pet is a female, but for the love of all that's holy, do you really need to let us know when she's about to have a visit from her monthly friend? We can tell she's PMS-ing (That's Psychotic Mood Shift in case you didn't know.) even without sniffing her rear. The fact you decide to shove your wet nose there when she's laying down is beyond gross, dude.

You've been in this house since April, and if you haven't noticed the signs yet, there's something wrong with you. She starts stuffing her face with salty foods, french fries being her absolute favorite. She cries at anything remotely emotional - remember yesterday evening when she cried because Ramon was voted off of Project Runway? She'd never have done that if he had been voted off last week! Let's also not forget the cramping, bloating, and occasional gassy treat we're forced to endure.

(While I know you are quite the gassy creature, the human pet can and will give you a run for your money. You may not know this, but sometimes, when she's the one who unleashed the bomb, she blames you. The worst part is that you actually like being blamed. You need to stop that!)

So, really, dude, just back off the humping of the human pet's leg, the sniffing of her crotch, and the following her back and forth as if she's some delectable treat. It's a little creepy, dude, and honestly, females don't like that. There's no love in the word 'stalker'.

14 comments:

The Meezers said...

MOL!!! Maybe there should be some spray or something your human pet could spray to get Ramses off the track.

SeaThreePeeO said...

We're so glad that we haven't expereinced this PMS stuff. Our mum has a magic injection at the human vets every three months that makes it all go away.

Angel and Kirby said...

Aries, dude, get a life. She loves you, but not that way!

TC said...

Just be patient, Zeus. Dogs aren't as smart as cats. It takes them a little longer to pick up on the obvious.

(They're like human males that way.)

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Yeah, I think TC has it right... It'll take a bit of time...

Mishkat said...

Sounds like Ares is a little (or a lot!) slow on the uptake there, Zeus...

P.S. Our mom watches Project Runway sometimes too :) (she doesn't want anyone to know, though!)

Max said...

Hank the Dog used to get all up in the Woman's bizznezz, too...WTF is it with dogs?

The Woman says PMS also means "Putting up with Men's $hit..." Either way, we're all in for a bad time when it hits.

Shaggy, Scooby and Scout said...

Sheesh, Ares!

Derby said...

hehe, no way I would put my nose in that part of mum's body, icky!

Anonymous said...

You and Isis will have to teach Ares what is acceptable behavior as he's just a puppy.

Fin said...

You didn't even mention the extreme crabbiness that happens over here.

Eric and Flynn said...

Yup! We think TC has hit the nail on the head.

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

HaHaMeow...your words remind us of our furrend, Grover...carp, carp, carp...are tasty!

http://littlepinkpig.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

that is too funny