Sunday, September 20, 2009

Hide the remote. Football season is here.

Football season is in full effect in my house.

This usually means several things.

First, special meals are prepared on Sundays. I have no idea why any game constitutes having an extraordinary meal of hot sausage, boudain balls, spaghetti and meatballs, pizza, chili, hamburgers and hot dogs, or gyros. Does this food somehow add to the entertainment value of twenty-two men slamming into one another over some little thing they call a pigskin? I don't think so.

(I'd honestly like to know why they even label that oddly shaped ball a pigskin. Since when did hog skin become so valuable that men would fight over it?)

Second, it means nothing gets done around my house. My human pet will wake up early, make a pot of coffee, and then prepare for the games by watching something the homo sapiens call 'the pregame show'. 'The pregame show' is similar to the ancient Greek oracle: You visit 'the pregame show' to 'know' whether or not your team is going to win that day by listening to 'the predictions' of 'analysts' (known also by the humans as 'color commentators') who used to be former players of the game. The hilarity continues as these analysts perform, dance, and argue amongst themselves as to whose predictions are correct.

Needless to say, the human pet eats it all up as if it were Fancy Feast for the soul.

Then the game commences, and I swear, it's as if time stops in the house. Only two things will get my pet off of the couch: the need to smoke when her team is down and a trip to the litter box. That is it. If I were to break some sort of appendage or kill Isis when she wasn't looking, I promise you, it could wait until the end of the game.

Nothing is more important than watching her beloved Steelers.

Finally, the third thing is that I encourage all of my friends to purchase stock in Excedrin as I undoubtedly purchase thousands of bottles throughout the football season. The human pet is notorious for screaming and yelling at her television. It's as if she truly believes that her men in black and gold can hear her, but instead, only my cochleas are suffering from her onslaught of cuss words at high-pitched frequencies.

I personally think angels cry when my human pet watches football.

I know I do.

So, for all of these reasons and many more, I am adding football season to my Litter List. You make my life a living hell for seven months, and all I have are painful memories (and ears) to show for it. Consider yourself warned, football season: I'm coming with a cancellation notice in paw!

14 comments:

Eric and Flynn said...

We feel for you Zeus. We are lucky, neither of our Beans watch football.
We have given you an award. You can collect it from our blog.

Cory said...

I don't know about you but I'd fight over pigskin.

If my mom made that much food I'd be looking forward to whatever caused her to do that!

Derby said...

I just go in the other room and nap. That keeps the noise down from the yelling and cheering. However mum does not get into all the different foods for the day. Just the regular meals with the regular type of foods.

Lorenza said...

Hi, Zeus!
Well, I guess I have to skeep a comment on the result of your team, right?
NFL games are not much appreciated here but reading your post I know that that happens with soccer football here!
Good luck
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Cheysuli and gemini said...

I do feel for you Zeus. Fortunately my human is not attached to anything like that over the television, though she balled all the way through Ted Kennedy's funeral--such things happen so rarely.

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

We are football free here this year...

Something to do with some human beast being pawmitted bakhk into the league - and then he ends up on what USED to be Mom's team...

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Tuck said...

I know how you feel Zeus. I'm dealing with the same thing over here!

brandi said...

Our cross the hall neighbor used to yell and scream and tell off the television during games. Used to? Did he stop? Probly not. But thank Bast he MOVED!!! Wanna come over when game day begins??

Angel and Kirby said...

We are lucky at our house, No one watches football! We feel your pain!

Tom, Tama-Chan and Sei-Chan said...

Our condolences, Zeus...

The Meezers said...

we feel for you too zeus. our the mom gets that way watching the ::shudder:: eagles. why she would root for some bird that would just like to EAT some tasty kitty flesh we will nefur know. maybe she secretly wants to kill us.

Anonymous said...

Zeus,
No wonder why you put football season on your litter list, I would too if I were you.

The Furry Kids said...

Zeus, I feel for ya. It's the same at our house. I can't wait until February.

The Furry Kids' Mom

TC said...

You can come live with me, Zeus.