One of my favorite television shows has to be The Colbert Report on Comedy Central. Yes, I know what you must be thinking: Felines actually give a shit about the political upheaval facing the United States? Indeed we do. Indeed, indeed. How else am I supposed to gain the inside track to obtaining my voting rights if I do not at least know the particular ins and outs of the process?
But I digress...
Anyhoo, as I said earlier, I was watching The Colbert Report while propped on my throne, and I could not help but perk my ears when I heard the following story:
Prophets for Profit: Wal-Mart to sell extensive line of religious toys in 420 stores across the nation.
I narrowed my eyes as I looked upon the television. A brief flash of a 12-inch, plastic-faced Moses (Complete with burning bush and holy staff!) secured in colorful packaging accompanied by chic branding popped onto the screen. Moses' stiffened and warped smile seemed to say, "Hell yeah, I parted that Red Sea, and guess what? Ima gonna do it again! Know why? Cause I CAN!" I suddenly saw images of young girls and boys fighting over the poor plastic Moses, demanding that they raise his staff into the air and part the waters in their bathtubs before bedtime.
I believe it was at this point that I sniffed the air of my living room and found the intoxicating scent of irony drifting about in dense, rolling wafts.
I considered the poor Indian laborers, milling away for eightteen hours, seven days a week, just to craft the wonderful George line of clothing (selling from $8.00 to $29.00) and ending up with a paycheck the equivalent of $2.00 US. I thought of how the term, "health care", did not really apply to Wal-Mart workers. I was reminded of how many mom-and-pop stores, the true heritage of Americana, had successfully been snuffed out by the opening of a Wal-Mart near to their businesses.
I lowered my head for a moment, and I realized an all-important truth:
Wal-Mart really is the Devil.