Saturday, June 23, 2007

Going where you want to go

I've been put on a behavior intervention plan.

Apparently, the human pet considers peeing on her clothes to be a heinous and offensive act against not only her, but her fine selection of Italia jerseys and indigo boot-cut jeans. What she seems to be misunderstanding is that, every now and then, using different facilities to relieve one's self is a 'spice of life'. Variety, my friends, is essential to happiness.

I can't honestly be expected to enjoy continuously picking out bits and pieces of litter from in between my toes. Truthfully, I find it to be a nuisance. Imagine: Every time I use the litter box, I have to spend fifteen minutes afterwards licking and prodding my paws.

If you ever wondered why feline tongues were so sandpapery, now you know.

It's the effects of litter.

My human pet sat down and contemplated what the antecedent for my behavior was. She checked the litter box, made sure it had been clean, and then proceeded to analyze why I would do such a thing. If she had but asked me, I would have told her that she needed to wash her clothes, and I was but only giving her a gentle reminder to do so. She, however, came to the conclusion that I was bent on making her life hell.

Of course, my target behavior has been established: relieving myself in the box. The human pet even determined that she would positively reinforce my toiletry habits by giving me tuna treats. I suppose I could go in the litter box, but why? Am I not allowed a little reckless joyride every now and then?

There's so much risk involved in peeing on a human's clothes. There's always the chance you might get caught. You have to quickly run up, squat into position, shake a little bit to get those last few drops disposed, and then scamper off before anyone sees you. It's absolutely, positively thrilling!

It does, however, stink later, but that's a completely different issue.

9 comments:

DaisyMae Maus said...

Oh, Zeus ... Not you, too! Feline American Cocoa Puff has been spritzing the carpet and ... in a word ... "pissing" Mom off.
DMM

Parker said...

Uh Oh! I'd rethink the thrill of peeing on the clothes, people really seem to frown on it! You're not sick are you?

Bob-kat said...

Oh Zeus! Perhaps your variety should be a little less spicier? Take the tuna treats option!

NOLADawn said...

Zeus... have you been talking to Charlie and Mouse??? They've been up to some pesky behavior lately as well. They've taking to pooping right in front of MY closet! I know they can't be sick, because it's two of them doing it and not all four. One is obviously following the other.... Ugh!

KXBC said...

You are the MAN! I peed once on Daddy's brand new towel which was left on the floor and he was so mad.

Regards from Yuan Yuan

Kukka-Maria said...

Good times...good times...

The Meezers said...

Norton used to do that too. It was because sometimes he hated Trixie and wanted to be an only cat. And sometimes Mommy werked late and went to skool late and he was mad. Or sometimes he, like you, just wanted to.

The Crew said...

Well, this IS disturbing, Zeus. Have you discussed possible causes of this negative behavior with your Pet?
When is the last time you were at the dreaded V.E.T.? Maybe a checkup is in order.

Bone said...

every now and then, using different facilities to relieve one's self is a 'spice of life'.

I never thought of it that way. Now I'm curious. The entire post was insightful. Thanks, Zeus.