Friday, May 05, 2006

Tough love

Dear human pet,

I know that you have been very busy these past few days, but I have reached my breaking point. First, you went to The Work on Wednesday, and I know for a fact that you are supposed to be home by 5:00. Instead, you didn't come home. You went to some place called St. Thomas (I deduced this from the brochure and papers you left out on the kitchen counter.), and you didn't come home until 7:00. When you came home, you didn't even say hello to me. You went into your room, changed your fur, and then walked out of the house again to be with the future mate. I know you do not do The Work in the evening so where did you go with him?

Yesterday, you woke up super early to do The Work, and once again, I thought you would be home by 5:00. You didn't come back, however, until nearly 6:00, but you ran into the house, changed the fur, and ran back out again to leave again. What is going on with you? You didn't come home until nearly 9:30! Once again, I know it's not The Work, so where do you go? Don't you think the very least you could do is tell me where you are going and when I could expect to have you back?

I have needs too, and I think you are forgetting that they are more important than your needs. I need water, food, and a clean litter box. I need tummy rubs and headbutts. I need scratching behind the ear. I need to play with the Cat Charmer (which by the way I ripped and bit to shreds because I was so mad with you!) so you need to buy a new one. I need a good cardboard box so I can destroy it.

I think you have an avoidance issue, and we need to do something about it immediately. I cannot be left to my own instincts. (If left to my own devices, do you honestly think you would come home and find Isis alive?) After all, why do you think I have a human pet? You are supposed to take care of me and my needs. I am tired of waiting for you to come home, or for you to do your work (for me) around the house, or for you to bring me home a beautiful Bengal female.

Hopefully, after having read this letter, your behavior will change. If not, I will be forced to drastic measures: peeing on your clothes, ripping your comforter, and clawing at your precious baseboards. Don't think I won't do it either. You need to learn a lesson here.

With tough love,

12 comments:

=^..^= said...

Oh dear... your bean pet is being furry furry naughty. When she comes home, nip her ankles and don't give her any part of the bed to sleep on tonight.

~Gucci

The Meezers said...

She doesn't even say HI to you? how horrible! At least our mommy says HI to us if she has to go out when she gets home from werk. she deserves whatever you decide to do to her if she can't even say hello to you.

Kukka-Maria said...

Ok. Before I address the behavior d'mother, I have something more pressing to discuss.

"A beautiful Bengal female?"

Wow. I thought we were tight. I thought you were one of my boys. What's the problem? Are my tabby stripes just not doing it for you? My junk in the trunk a bit much to take? You knew what I was like when we met, Zeus. And now you stray?

Holy crap. You know, I don't know if I can even comment about the Mom stuff when I'm feeling rejected like this. I think I just need my space now...I'm just going to take my keyboard, go home, and wait for an apology.

A Bengal? Oh my gosh...

PrincessMia said...

uh-oh. I know where the St. Thomas is and I will go tell your mom that she needs to be home at a decent hour and if she insists on being with future mate than he has to visit her at home with you guys. That's the only reasonable thing to do.

Oh, a side note, um, I think you rubbed the Empress the wrong way with your wonton desire for a Bengal. Of course it's because you would rather have Kukka-Maria but since you can't, then you'll settle for a Bengal, right?

Gemini said...

Hmmppff... the man likes Bengals too. What is it with men and bengals? It's not very nice of your momma to not even say hello and to warn you when she will be gone. At least mine tells Georgia (who knows how to tell time) excatly how long she will be gone

Patches & Mittens said...

Sometimes tough love is all they understand. Our Furless Ones come and go as they please, they don't ever ask if it is OK, they don't tell us when they will be back or what they are doing, yet they say we are an important part of the family; their children! We wonder if they did that with the three Furless Wafers, I think NOT!!! They seen to think because they are 'tired they can just come and go as they please. It is always good for a treat, anyway.

DEBRA said...

Zeus

You'd better get that Woman in line quick before anything else happens. I'd say dumping your litterbox over would get her attention and let her know how you really feel.

A bengal? What is it about fellas and bengals?

Kukka sounds mighty upset over that bengal fantasy.

*ABBY

Timmy said...

Happy Cinco de Meow-Meow Zeus!

Mattingly said...

Oooh that is a beautiful Bengal Female! Zeus I just recently found your blog and I feel I have a lot to learn from you. Hopefully over the weekend I can read back over some of your posts. My Mom said that if your Mom was only gone for 2 hours you can be sure she didn't have a whole lot of fun in St. Thomas. Does that help you feel better?

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

You know, it's frustrating isn't it? They go out and don't tell us where or for how long, but we can't be anyplace without them having to find us. Just when I find a quiet napping place, she comes looking for me or shoving that flashy thing at me. And all in the name of "making sure you're OK".

George

Maggie & Molly said...

ohhh my I can't believe your mommy left you all day alone..Bad mommy....ooops, gotta run, my mommy just yelled at me for sitting on the key board (she doesn't know I was really typing this note..shhhhh don't tell) I'll be back later when she is resting

Derby said...

Some beans are just not trainable. They put there own needs ahead of us kitties. Not acceptable.