I was merely sipping on my morning water and nibbling on some Purina Cat Chow when I came across this strange article by Will Cohu concerning his review on the book, The Character of Cats. It started out with the typical ramblings as most reviews do, and I was about to click away until I saw:
Personally, I believe cats are aliens that arrived on Earth about the same time that colonists from Mars founded the civilisation of ancient Egypt. There are some otherworldly things about cats: they have no collarbone, and - uniquely among quadrupeds - glide rather than walk, using both feet on each side of the body alternately. Cats are also bent on the rapid elimination of other earthbound species; domestic and feral cats kill a billion birds a year in America.
I raised one eyebrow and pondered this paragraph intently. He surely could not be serious. Then I read the whole thing again, and looking at his word choice more closely, I decided that he was indeed serious. Surely, there were not other homo sapiens out there who believed this innane load of codswallop, but would you believe there are?
Apparently, this website written by someone named Clyde delves into different hypotheses on cats and their (supposed) connection to space aliens. He even goes so far as to show how we evolved from space aliens in order to blend in with our current environment.
Proof: Most cats are either affectionate or frightened. This cat pretends to be frightened when I walk by. But rather than dashing and hiding, as any actual frightened cat would do, it saunters off about two feet, half-heartedly cowers under a tree, and watches with malevolent green eyes.
Maybe the cat simply did not wish to be in your way, Ms. Bond, and was being polite. Perhaps your pet clothes did not match that day, and the feline noticed and stared as you walked by because it was in shock. Maybe the cat really was frightened!
Then how could I not include this "documented proof" that all felines are aliens:
I don't know about you, feline friends, but when I use the litter box, all I want to do is get in and get out. I want my claws cleaned immediately, and I have no desire to sit there fiddling with the grains of litter until they create immaculate designs! The reason why I have no desire is because it's my bathroom! I don't play with poo!
Homo sapiens, lend me your ears! This may or may not come as a surprise to you, but...
FELINES ARE NOT ALIENS!