The Zeus Excuse

And now, a message from my pet...

2009-07-15T08:20:00.001-05:00

Hello everyone,

Very rarely do I ever get to post my personal thoughts on the blog, but this time, Zeus thought you should all hear it from me rather than him. (He's not big on being the messenger.)

For the past few days, I have been extremely ill. Poor Ares didn't get to go on any walks. In fact, the only walking he did was on top of me as I laid on the couch or bed. Yesterday was the first day I had felt well, but I didn't want to push it so I decided to wait until today to continue the scavenger hunt.

To all those people who made suggestions, please know I appreciate it, and I haven't forgotten. I will play catch-up tonight, and hopefully, we can start moving in a positive direction. Thanks for your understanding!

Sincerely,

Marina, a.k.a "the human pet"

The Perfect Tweet

2009-07-14T08:26:00.003-05:00

The National Canine Cancer Foundation is sponsoring a terrific little contest at the moment via Twitter. All you have to do is donate $5.00 which also counts as your entry fee. You then choose which subject you would like to tweet about and craft the most perfectly assembled 140 characters as possible to win. Should you be chosen as the top Twitter guru, you might just win a new MacBook Pro! For more information, check out the site here.

Scavenger Hunt #8, #9, and #10

2009-07-10T19:10:00.005-05:00

Well, it just goes to show that when you go looking for something, you're often not going to find it. As was the case with the following three items suggested by The Kitty Krew, Angel and Kirby, and The Island Cats:

A bird in a tree
Any bug
A bird feeder

This may come as a shock, but there were no birds seen along the walk. As for bugs, the human pet admittedly didn't look too hard as she has a small phobia towards them. Bird feeders were probably abundant but not in anyone's front yards, and since all the houses in our neighborhood have fenced yards, that proved to be impossible as well.

Henceforth, the total for donations for Laney in Mutt Strut Poster Pooch 2010 has now reached...

Thank you for participating you three!

Be kind to your behind. It knows all.

2009-07-10T00:00:00.009-05:00

It's a science as an old as time itself. The evolution of its history can be traced back to our earliest ancestors. Across seven continents, nothing else can claim such universality. So what could it be? If you guessed food, shelter, or fire, you would be wrong.

No, good reader, it is rumpology - the study of rear ends.

Currently in the scientific community, there is debate concerning the origins of this discipline. Many homo sapiens would like for their species to take credit for the birth of this extraordinary field, but several felines and canines are beginning to band together to fight back, claiming this branch of knowledge is specifically their own.

I became interested in rumpology when I overheard it being discussed on the human pet's radio. The morning announcers were trying to decide if there were any truth to discerning someone's personality and character based on the nooks and crannies of the person's buttocks. The two announcers mentioned Jacqueline Stallone and her 'study' of the derriere.

Intrigued, I decided to write to Jacqueline Stallone, famous rumpologist. As suggested on her website, I sent in a close-up of my rear with my letter detailing my investigation. Here is but a snippet of her report:

"Your rounded bottom suggests to me that you are a well-rounded person with much flexibility towards others. The curvature of your crevice indicates that you tend to be very accepting and good-natured. People enjoy your presence."

Personally, at this point, I felt pretty good about my venture into assology. After all, when people weren't looking at my gorgeous face, they were realizing what they were missing out on when I walked away. It seemed like a win-win situation to me.

That is until I met with Profesora Cordova.

Profesora Selina Cordova, leading specialist in canine rumps, of La Universidad Nacional de Mexico Para El Adelantamiento De Perros recently was kind enough to sit down and speak with me concerning her thoughts on the controversy during her recent visit to Houston, Texas. Right at the start of our discussion, she said heatedly, "How could homo sapiens really believe they came up with the idea of looking at or sniffing someone's butt? Everyone knows they got it from watching us! The whole idea is ludicrous!"

Profesora Cordova went on to explain that felines and canines have been sniffing one another's rear ends for centuries: "The whole process of the initial meeting between canines, for example, is to gather information regarding one another. The best way to do this is to smell one another's glands and to find out important things such as where the other has been, what food has been ingested, and what age the canine is." She went on to add that humans do not possess the necessary olfactory nerve endings to make such valid conclusions about one another by examining rear ends.

I informed the professor that I did not even have Ms. Stallone smell my rear end. I told her of how I had sent a picture of my furry bottom to the kind lady and how she had written me a very nice letter. Without warning, Profesora Cordova bent me over, took a whiff of my butt, and said, "You're completely selfish, a glutton to the very end. You whine continuously when you do not get your way. You tend to overgroom yourself and," she took another whiff before continuing, "you no longer enjoy sleeping with your human pet on the bed."

I almost cried, but I held back by tears. Her words cut me to the core, but I thanked the professor for her time and quietly left. I had always thought my ass was the greatest, but thanks to that mean-spirited chihuahua, I knew differently. Perhaps I had been too wanting, too demanding. Perhaps I had overstepped my bounds at home. Perhaps I had never known how to love.

Or perhaps the whole thing was just bullshit.

It smelled like it at least.

We interrupt this scheduled scavenger hunt for the following...

2009-07-08T23:21:00.002-05:00

So apparently I'm about to divulge what is known in some parts as "T.M.I.", but quite frankly, I don't care. It's my blog, and I tell it like it is. Why cut corners? I leave the nuances of navigating social norms to the homo sapiens.

The human pet ate a baby poo burrito and got violently ill this evening.

By "baby poo burrito", I mean a suspicious, liquefied brown blend of bean and cheese which resembled the mushed and mashed mixture mother birds surely concoct when they chew and process food only to regurgitate it back to their young.

And by "violently", I mean doubled-over, arms wrapped around midsection, solidly working on the gag reflex because, by all means, let's not get crazy and puke in the living room even though certain puppies who shall remain nameless still have accidents involving poop and pee in that very area, and we're so beyond that so instead, let's just run back and forth to the bathroom until we've completed the third installment of the Ironman Challenge.

I'm sure you get the picture.

If not, let me know, and I will have Ares draw you a rendition, dear reader.

The human pet will double up her search for tomorrow. With any luck, she will have regained her normal, neurotic self.

Scavenger Hunt #7

2009-07-07T20:35:00.003-05:00

Cheysuli and Gemini asked for my human pet to find a red, two-door car on her walk. Well, that didn't seem to pose too much of a problem:

Thank you for participating in the scavenger hunt, Cheysuli and Gemini!

Have an item you would like to suggest my human pet search for on her walks? Just click on the picture in the sidebar!

It's raining!

2009-07-07T07:20:00.002-05:00

Scavenger Hunt #6

2009-07-06T20:31:00.005-05:00

Ruby Bleu asked for my human pet to find a playing card along her walk. To make sure they had a fighting chance, I let Ares get a good whiff of some cards:

Despite my help, though, neither the human pet nor Ares found any cards while on their walk.

One dollar will be donated to Laney in support of her goal to be Mutt Strut Poster Pooch 2010 on your behalf, Ruby!

Have a suggestion for what my pet should be looking for? You can leave it here.

Scavenger Hunt #4 and #5

2009-07-05T19:18:00.006-05:00

Kaze, Latte, and Chase asked my human pet to find the largest flower she could find. Well, considering there's a drought happening here in Houston, Texas, this was no small request. The human pet did manage to find a few homo sapiens interested in using their water on lawn care:

Mack asked for my human pet to find another puppy on her walks, but unfortunately, finding puppies strolling about the neighborhood was even more of a challenge than locating flowers.

Thank you for participating Kaze, Latte, and Chase!

One dollar will be donated to Laney in her pursuit of Mutt Strut Poster Pooch 2010 on your behalf, Mack!

Have a suggestion for what my human pet should be looking for on her walks? You can leave it here.

Celebrate the 4th by Commenting

2009-07-04T00:00:00.001-05:00

My Pennsylvania friend, Khyra, is drumming up support for a special pooch named Kade. Kade is one of many animals being aided by The Last Resort Animal Rescue and Sanctuary in West Milford, New Jersey. At the moment, Kade is in need of some surgery, but the organization is lacking in greenbacks.

I can hear you saying it now: "Who isn't lacking in greenbacks these days, Zeus?"

True, but you can do your part by stopping by Khyra's today and wishing her a happy fourth of July. For every comment Khyra receives until Sunday evening, she will donate one dollar towards Kade's surgery costs. It's a terrific way to celebrate the holiday by sharing in some special fireworks of the charitable kind!

Scavenger Hunt #3

2009-07-03T19:17:00.008-05:00

Mishkat asked for the human pet to find some money on the ground. Ares looked low...

...while the human pet looked high, but they did not find any money.

One dollar will be donated to Laney in support of her pursuit for Mutt Strut Poster Pooch 2010 on your behalf, Mishkat!

Have a suggestion for what my human pet should be looking for? Share it here!

Ares' Journal: Nal kliping

2009-07-03T09:28:00.007-05:00

Special note from the human pet: Ares is fine! We both need to just calm down and take it slow with the nail clippings.

Scavenger Hunt #2

2009-07-02T19:29:00.003-05:00

Parker asked for my human pet to find a fire hydrant. Well, that wasn't too hard:

Thank you for participating in the scavenger hunt, Parker!

Have something in mind for my human pet to find? You can make your suggestion here.

To some of my followers...

2009-07-02T07:42:00.004-05:00

I tried to visit you today
but something always gets in the way.
Multiple windows appear,
Blank pages increasing my fear.

Occasionally, I stop by
and can't believe my eyes.
I see only your sidebar,
no posts from you, superstar.

Other times, when I hit your link,
I stop and begin to think:
Will I be able to comment today
since the screen is frozen to my dismay?

So if you have not seen me,
please listen to my plea:
It's not you, it's me.
iExplorer sucks, see?

Scavenger Hunt #1

2009-07-01T18:15:00.007-05:00

Cliff and Olivia suggested my human pet find a cute cat in a window. Instead...

...she found a dog in a fence.

One dollar will be donated to Laney in support of Mutt Strut 2010 on your behalf, Cliff and Olivia!

Have a suggestion for what my human pet should look for? You can do so here.

Four-o-dark in the morning

2009-07-01T04:01:00.001-05:00

I'm so annoyed with my human pet right now.

Readers, it's four-o-dark in the morning. I knew she had to get up early to administer some test to some children on some campus, but really? Four-o-dark in the morning? Is that even necessary?

While I know certain felines enjoy waking up at this unholy hour, I do not. I sleep straight to my designated time of six-thirty every morning. I don't handle adjustments or changes to my schedule well.

So hungry. So annoyed. The soft glow of this computer monitor makes me feel so comfy. If only I could just lay my head down on the keyboard and fall...asleep...yawn...

P.S. Thank you to everyone who made suggestions for Scavenger Hunt 2009! Please tell others about stopping by to make suggestions. Expect the first hunt late this afternoon.

Scavenger Hunt 2009

2009-06-30T00:00:00.003-05:00

Due to the neverending drought in Houston, the human pet has not been walking Ares. She knows she should be waking up at 6:00 AM, but that seems ludicrous to her as it is her summer vacation. For all of our sakes, though, she needs to walk that demon of destruction, or else, I fear for our safety.

Therefore, my friends, I have devised a plan.

Help me help my human pet by submitting ideas for things my human pet has to find on her walks with Ares. She will take photos once she has found the item, and then, she will post the pictures on here to prove she actually walked the dog. If for some reason the human pet cannot locate your suggested item, she will make a one-dollar donation to Laney in support of Mutt Strut 2010.

Suggestions will be taken in the order in which they are received, and only one item will be sought for per day. Feel free to submit as many ideas as you wish as the human pet has a lot of walking to do. Proof will come within 24 hours in the form of a quick post.

So let's get to walking and donating! Remember: You have until August 10 to help Laney reach her goal of becoming the Mutt Strut 2010 Poster Pooch!

Super-Pup Needs Your Help!

2009-06-27T00:00:00.005-05:00

Found yourself saying lately, "Man, I wish I could sponsor a really good-looking dog for some contest as this five-dollar bill is burning a hole in my pocket"?

I know I had! Thank goodness for Laney!

My good friend, Laney, is attempting to win the Mutt Strut 2010 Poster Pooch Contest hosted by the Humane Society of Indianapolis, but she needs your help! If you do not know Laney, she is the owner of SciFiChick, and she is a terrific representative of what happens when dogs who need homes find humans who will cherish them forever. Check out Laney's Flickr photostream here, and feel free to download the logo above to spread the word!

Should Laney win, she will be featured on MuttStrut posters, brochures, and t-shirts, appear on the April 2010 cover of Pampered Pet Magazine, appear on the cover and April photo of the MuttStrut calendar, glamorize special appearances for MuttStrut 2010, and of course, receive a token gift basket.

Why have a Clark Kent puppy represent this Humane Society when only a Super-Pup such as Laney will do?

Show your support by voting for Laney TODAY!

Remembering the King of Pop

2009-06-26T00:00:00.000-05:00

Zeus' ten ways to stay cool indoors

2009-06-25T08:39:00.001-05:00

1. Make sure you use your ceiling fans.

2. Install white blinds or shades in your windows, and by all means, keep them closed!

3. Use the microwave oven instead of your oven or stove.

4. Plug your home electronics such as TVs and DVD players into central power strips and turn those off when not in use.

5. Air-dry your dishes instead of using your dishwasher's drying cycle.

6. Turn off your computer when you're not using it.

7. For that matter, turn off the lights as much as possible and use natural light.

8. Do the laundry at nighttime.

9. Shave your head (or fur)!

10. Enjoy some frozen grapes, ice cream, or plain ol' ice.

The real reason Zeus doesn't go outside...

2009-06-24T08:02:00.001-05:00

Cuddles

2009-06-23T07:51:00.002-05:00

Scalding shite

2009-06-22T07:28:00.006-05:00

Dear human pet,

I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not sleeping in the garage anymore. In case you have noticed, let me tell you why: It's freakin' hot in there! It's well over 110 degrees, complete with swallowing, swaggering, and sweltering.

I know you know how hot it is because you have yet to step foot in the garage during the daytime hours. You would rather stay up all night long to complete your laundry than to do it in the middle of the day. I find that utterly ironic considering your clothes come before my needs.

My bathroom needs, that is.

How is it that you expect me to take a decent trip to the litterbox in 110 degree heat? Yesterday, I nearly burned my back paws off pissing into the searing sand, but thank goodness it oxidized before it hit the litter! And let's not forget that all of those noxious fumes from my business just add to the overall blazing broiler that has become the garage. Did you just gag? I hope you did.

Human pet, you will move the litterbox into the house this instant! I will chafe no longer while using my not-so-porcelain throne! I will tolerate the torridity no longer!

Ares' Journal: Max

2009-06-16T07:46:00.006-05:00

Dognapping

2009-06-15T07:41:00.004-05:00

This is where I would love to tell you that I have this fabulous reason as to why I have not posted anything since last Wednesday. This is also where I fail miserably should I try as I have no good reason for my laziness other than a lack of inspiration. Call it my June hump.

I did hear something rather interesting, however, over the weekend, and I am curious as to whether or not other beings have heard this as well. At a small get-together on Saturday evening, I was listening to one of the human pet's friends (who we shall call Shannon) discuss how she had seen "our puppy", Ares, on local flyers around her town.

Needless to say, Shannon meant our breed of puppy, not Ares, as he was lolly-gagging on the deck the entire time. According to Shannon, people were on the lookout for purebred puppies in local neighborhoods. Once they found these poor puppies, they were stealing them and placing them online at various websites (such as Craigslist) to be sold.

When someone asked why people would do that, Shannon replied, "To make money in this economy. Some of those dogs are worth a fortune."

Has it really come to this? Selling dogs on "the black pet market"? The human pet conducted a search on Google to see if it were possibly true, and sure enough, there seems to be some information indicating that purepred puppynapping is on the rise. Because the pet enjoys being helpful, she found this informative article that includes tips on how to be safer in your daily routine with your puppy and asked me to pass it along.

Has any of this been happening in your hometown? We're all very curious over in this part of the country. Ares, the one exception, is blissfully unaware as, being a good brother, I have placed him on a need-to-know-basis, and right now, he does not need to know.