Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Don't trip when you fall

Oh boy...

The suitcases are coming out again. I can't believe the human pet is going to be leaving me, especially at Halloween! Who will hand out the candy to the little kiddies? Who will frighten Isis throughout the night? Who will send FrankenAres out to torture the masses?

Who will convince the trick-or-treaters that my human pet is harmless?

This is just not right.

Now, I'm going to be pouting all day.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Ares' New Coat

My dear feline friends,

Let's all point our claws at Ares and laugh as the human pet bought him his own coat. Apparently, he shakes and shivers when he's outside because of the supposed 'cold', and out of pity, the human pet had to help him. It's so sad when one's natural coat doesn't do what it should.

I present the coat to you now for your own amusement. You can thank me later.





Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Since asking politely hasn't helped...

I'VE HAD IT, HUMAN PET!

YOU'VE DENIED ME FOR TOO LONG!

WHY DOES ARES GET TO OUTSIDE, AND I DON'T?!

ARRRGHHHH!!!!


Monday, October 19, 2009

My claws are tired now...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Easy. Breezy. Beautiful. Claws to the face.

Dear Mama,

You'd better not even think about putting your patty-cake foundation, sticky-icky mascara, or poopy plum lipstick on me! Just because you saw this woman do it, doesn't mean you have to. The voices in my head say we're fan-freaking-tastic looking like a clown on our own, and I believe them.











P.S. Don't even think about sitting me down to file my nails. I'll file them myself...on your backside!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Happy Columbus Day!

Ah, it's that time of year to celebrate a man who managed to achieve what so many before him already had.

I'm referring to Mr. Christopher Columbus, of course!

Erik the Red Day was too long, and no one had any desire to dress up like Capital One spokesmen and pillage local golf courses.

If you feel like showing off your Columbus pride and discovering different perspectives concerning the holiday, check out some of these fun and informative websites below.

Columbus Day 2009 at Kaboose

The History of Columbus Day

Why The American Indian Movement Opposes Columbus Day

Columbus No Angel, Yet His An Estimable Legacy

The Deluxe Christopher Columbus Crossword

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Extra-strength beer googles lead to extra-strength beat down

Dear anonymous man from Calgary, Alberta,

What in the hell were you thinking? How much alcohol does it take for this to even begin sounding like a good idea? I'm curious - no pun intended.

Sincerely,

Monday, October 05, 2009

A battle of two gods

There's something to be said
for the will of a male
when all odds are set against him,
when all life simply seems to derail.

Honor and glory,
Tales and songs,
A history of his battle
traversed through its throngs.
This is but what he wants:
A history remembered
for its joys and not its wrongs.

Odysseus traveled to the ends of Greece,
battling the Cyclops, the Sirens, and the Scylla,
but as epic as even his journey is,
it pales to this one lone hurrah.

The day had come
for this male to stand,
to deliver the final hammer stroke,
to elicit his one command.
Ares, god of war, had no recourse,
no protection from the pain,
felling the onslaught firsthand.

Zeus, god of the sky,
and also the House,
declared once and for all
that his rule would not be doused.

Seeing his couch dominated
by the taunt and lean pup,
Zeus leaped into the air,
his paws in a windup.
He hissed and spat,
making it clear
Ares would receive quite the wallop.

From that day forth,
Ares would no longer lay
on Zeus' pristine throne,
much to the god of war's dismay.

Though Ares would try,
sneaking onto its cushions now and then,
Zeus had made it clear
that Ares would never again
sit on top of the couch,
lay on the covers,
for that was his hallowed place of zen.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

10 Top 10 Lists for Cat Lovers

Very rarely do I ever get excited over my inbox. Normally when I check my e-mail in the morning, I find nothing more than random Nigerian princes asking me to donate to their dwindling purses. Yesterday morning, though, there was something a bit more intriguing lurking between the spam.

I'm very pleased to announce that The Zeus Excuse has been selected for inclusion in the eBook 10 Top 10 Lists for Cat Lovers published by BellaLife Studios!

The eBook costs $9.98 CDN and has a very simple download process. No special programs are required to view the contents. Better still is the fact that 50% of sales goes towards non-profit groups such as cat rescues, shelters, and charities! It's a terrific way to get solid information regarding your feline while helping other felines in need.

If you're interested in learning more about the 10 Top 10 Lists for Cat Lovers, simply click here.