And now, a message from my pet...

Hello everyone,

Very rarely do I ever get to post my personal thoughts on the blog, but this time, Zeus thought you should all hear it from me rather than him. (He's not big on being the messenger.)

For the past few days, I have been extremely ill. Poor Ares didn't get to go on any walks. In fact, the only walking he did was on top of me as I laid on the couch or bed. Yesterday was the first day I had felt well, but I didn't want to push it so I decided to wait until today to continue the scavenger hunt.

To all those people who made suggestions, please know I appreciate it, and I haven't forgotten. I will play catch-up tonight, and hopefully, we can start moving in a positive direction. Thanks for your understanding!

Sincerely,

Marina, a.k.a "the human pet"

The Perfect Tweet

The National Canine Cancer Foundation is sponsoring a terrific little contest at the moment via Twitter. All you have to do is donate $5.00 which also counts as your entry fee. You then choose which subject you would like to tweet about and craft the most perfectly assembled 140 characters as possible to win. Should you be chosen as the top Twitter guru, you might just win a new MacBook Pro! For more information, check out the site here.

Scavenger Hunt #8, #9, and #10

Well, it just goes to show that when you go looking for something, you're often not going to find it. As was the case with the following three items suggested by The Kitty Krew, Angel and Kirby, and The Island Cats:

• A bird in a tree
• Any bug
• A bird feeder

This may come as a shock, but there were no birds seen along the walk. As for bugs, the human pet admittedly didn't look too hard as she has a small phobia towards them. Bird feeders were probably abundant but not in anyone's front yards, and since all the houses in our neighborhood have fenced yards, that proved to be impossible as well.

Henceforth, the total for donations for Laney in Mutt Strut Poster Pooch 2010 has now reached...

Thank you for participating you three!

Be kind to your behind. It knows all.

It's a science as an old as time itself. The evolution of its history can be traced back to our earliest ancestors. Across seven continents, nothing else can claim such universality. So what could it be? If you guessed food, shelter, or fire, you would be wrong.

No, good reader, it is rumpology - the study of rear ends.

Currently in the scientific community, there is debate concerning the origins of this discipline. Many homo sapiens would like for their species to take credit for the birth of this extraordinary field, but several felines and canines are beginning to band together to fight back, claiming this branch of knowledge is specifically their own.

I became interested in rumpology when I overheard it being discussed on the human pet's radio. The morning announcers were trying to decide if there were any truth to discerning someone's personality and character based on the nooks and crannies of the person's buttocks. The two announcers mentioned Jacqueline Stallone and her 'study' of the derriere.

Intrigued, I decided to write to Jacqueline Stallone, famous rumpologist. As suggested on her website, I sent in a close-up of my rear with my letter detailing my investigation. Here is but a snippet of her report:

"Your rounded bottom suggests to me that you are a well-rounded person with much flexibility towards others. The curvature of your crevice indicates that you tend to be very accepting and good-natured. People enjoy your presence."

Personally, at this point, I felt pretty good about my venture into assology. After all, when people weren't looking at my gorgeous face, they were realizing what they were missing out on when I walked away. It seemed like a win-win situation to me.

That is until I met with Profesora Cordova.

Profesora Selina Cordova, leading specialist in canine rumps, of La Universidad Nacional de Mexico Para El Adelantamiento De Perros recently was kind enough to sit down and speak with me concerning her thoughts on the controversy during her recent visit to Houston, Texas. Right at the start of our discussion, she said heatedly, "How could homo sapiens really believe they came up with the idea of looking at or sniffing someone's butt? Everyone knows they got it from watching us! The whole idea is ludicrous!"

Profesora Cordova went on to explain that felines and canines have been sniffing one another's rear ends for centuries: "The whole process of the initial meeting between canines, for example, is to gather information regarding one another. The best way to do this is to smell one another's glands and to find out important things such as where the other has been, what food has been ingested, and what age the canine is." She went on to add that humans do not possess the necessary olfactory nerve endings to make such valid conclusions about one another by examining rear ends.

I informed the professor that I did not even have Ms. Stallone smell my rear end. I told her of how I had sent a picture of my furry bottom to the kind lady and how she had written me a very nice letter. Without warning, Profesora Cordova bent me over, took a whiff of my butt, and said, "You're completely selfish, a glutton to the very end. You whine continuously when you do not get your way. You tend to overgroom yourself and," she took another whiff before continuing, "you no longer enjoy sleeping with your human pet on the bed."

I almost cried, but I held back by tears. Her words cut me to the core, but I thanked the professor for her time and quietly left. I had always thought my ass was the greatest, but thanks to that mean-spirited chihuahua, I knew differently. Perhaps I had been too wanting, too demanding. Perhaps I had overstepped my bounds at home. Perhaps I had never known how to love.

Or perhaps the whole thing was just bullshit.

It smelled like it at least.

We interrupt this scheduled scavenger hunt for the following...

So apparently I'm about to divulge what is known in some parts as "T.M.I.", but quite frankly, I don't care. It's my blog, and I tell it like it is. Why cut corners? I leave the nuances of navigating social norms to the homo sapiens.

The human pet ate a baby poo burrito and got violently ill this evening.

By "baby poo burrito", I mean a suspicious, liquefied brown blend of bean and cheese which resembled the mushed and mashed mixture mother birds surely concoct when they chew and process food only to regurgitate it back to their young.

And by "violently", I mean doubled-over, arms wrapped around midsection, solidly working on the gag reflex because, by all means, let's not get crazy and puke in the living room even though certain puppies who shall remain nameless still have accidents involving poop and pee in that very area, and we're so beyond that so instead, let's just run back and forth to the bathroom until we've completed the third installment of the Ironman Challenge.

I'm sure you get the picture.

If not, let me know, and I will have Ares draw you a rendition, dear reader.

The human pet will double up her search for tomorrow. With any luck, she will have regained her normal, neurotic self.

Scavenger Hunt #7

Cheysuli and Gemini asked for my human pet to find a red, two-door car on her walk. Well, that didn't seem to pose too much of a problem:


Thank you for participating in the scavenger hunt, Cheysuli and Gemini!

Have an item you would like to suggest my human pet search for on her walks? Just click on the picture in the sidebar!

It's raining!

Scavenger Hunt #6

Ruby Bleu asked for my human pet to find a playing card along her walk. To make sure they had a fighting chance, I let Ares get a good whiff of some cards:


Despite my help, though, neither the human pet nor Ares found any cards while on their walk.

One dollar will be donated to Laney in support of her goal to be Mutt Strut Poster Pooch 2010 on your behalf, Ruby!

Have a suggestion for what my pet should be looking for? You can leave it here.

Scavenger Hunt #4 and #5

Kaze, Latte, and Chase asked my human pet to find the largest flower she could find. Well, considering there's a drought happening here in Houston, Texas, this was no small request. The human pet did manage to find a few homo sapiens interested in using their water on lawn care:




Mack asked for my human pet to find another puppy on her walks, but unfortunately, finding puppies strolling about the neighborhood was even more of a challenge than locating flowers.

Thank you for participating Kaze, Latte, and Chase!

One dollar will be donated to Laney in her pursuit of Mutt Strut Poster Pooch 2010 on your behalf, Mack!

Have a suggestion for what my human pet should be looking for on her walks? You can leave it here.